Leaked Transcript of the Secret Meeting Where Democrats Control the Weather

“Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene has doubled down on her allegation that an unspecified ‘they’ can control the weather, a claim that has sparked a backlash online.” – Newsweek, 10/6/24

In the basement of the Ben and Jerry’s factory in Waterbury, Vermont, former Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi addresses her fellow globalist cabal leaders. In the room with her are George Soros, Oprah Winfrey, Bill Gates, Al Gore, and Taylor Swift.

NANCY PELOSI: Good evening, fellow shady elites. Before we discuss the main topic on tonight’s agenda, let’s hear a quick status update from each election interference subcommittee chair. George?

GEORGE SOROS: I’ve been in touch with the head of Dominion Voting Systems to once again rig the election in that super secret way that’s completely undetectable and works seamlessly across the different voting technologies used in the various swing states.

PELOSI: Wonderful. It’s a shame we can’t use that same technology to rig down-ballot races. Oh well. Oprah?

OPRAH WINFREY: Convicts for Kamala has been an unmitigated success. The thousands of cartel-affiliated migrants we’ve been putting up at Ritz-Carlton hotels in swing state cities like Detroit, Milwaukee, and Philadelphia will ensure that the Blue Wall stays blue. It’s such a cheap and practical plan.

PELOSI: Excellent. Taylor?

TAYLOR SWIFT: As you all know by how well the Chiefs are doing, Roger Goodell is now in my pocket, so it’s only a matter of time before the NFL endorses Kamala.

PELOSI: Lovely. Now, onto tonight’s business. Al has spent the last two decades spreading the climate change myth in order to pave the way for our most devious scheme yet.

AL GORE: All it took was convincing 97 percent of the world’s leading atmospheric scientists to risk their careers by fabricating decades of climate data for no discernible personal gain. Easy peasy.

PELOSI: Yes. And now, between those falsified studies and the space-laser-induced wildfires, Americans finally believe that the climate is getting more extreme. This means they are perfectly primed to accept Operation FloodGates as another consequence of anthropogenic climate change. Bill, where do we stand on the latest atmospheric anomaly?

BILL GATES: I’m pleased to report that we have successfully seeded a low-pressure system in the western Caribbean. In four days, the system will make landfall in Florida as a powerful category 4 hurricane before heading up through Georgia, the Carolinas, and Tennessee. We anticipate a devastating storm surge and catastrophic flooding.

The members of the cabal erupt into raucous cheering.

PELOSI: Stupendous! Nothing will help the Democratic party steal this election better than a horrific natural disaster that the Biden-Harris administration will be under intense scrutiny to respond to effectively.

Taylor Swift steps forward.

SWIFT: Your Wickedness, may I be so bold as to ask how this hurricane will help us?

PELOSI: By flooding rural areas in two crucial swing states, of course.

SWIFT: But, Your Utmost Foulness, wouldn’t such a widespread storm also flood liberal enclaves like, say, Asheville, North Carolina?

WINFREY (to Taylor): You dare question the infinite wisdom of Her Unholy Depravity?

PELOSI (to Oprah): I will forgive her insolence only because she is new in the ways of The Cabal.

PELOSI (to Taylor): Rest assured, my pet, a catastrophic hurricane is exactly what we need right now. Just think of how popular George Bush was after Hurricane Katrina.

Taylor Swift pauses to consider this, then speaks up again.

SWIFT: Not to keep harping on this, Your Gracelessness, but if we can summon category 4 hurricanes, couldn’t we also summon small, localized rainstorms on Election Day to strategically flood voting sites in rural counties that went overwhelmingly for Trump? Or couldn’t we just take out Donald Trump by summoning a tornado at his next outdoor rally?

PELOSI: Your ignorance is astonishing, young succubus. How would an untraceable freak weather accident be politically expedient? It is far more effective to keep sending a series of poorly trained lone gunmen. That will draw far less scrutiny than a seemingly random act of nature.

SWIFT: I suppose that makes sense.

PELOSI: Good. So, Bill, what’s next after this hurricane?

GATES: My team is working on a category 5 hurricane that will flatten much of Florida and create a second disaster for Biden and Harris to respond to.

PELOSI: If there’s one government agency that Americans love and trust and want to think more about and will vote for whichever party is running it, it’s FEMA. This calls for a celebration.

Nancy Pelosi pours goblets full of children’s blood for each of the cabal members.

PELOSI: To President Harris!

The cabal members down their glasses, then hop onto the secret high-speed train that runs between the Ben and Jerry’s factory and Washington, DC.