Of Course I Understand Shakespeare

Shakespeare! Neither before nor since has there been a man with such mastery of words and humanity. It is the bedrock upon which the foundation of modern literature is comfortably perched. Most importantly, it’s something I fully comprehend, even though I choose not to explain my comprehension at this particular time.

Join me, friend, and you’ll soon be victorious in your journey to embrace Shakespeare. I will guide you with wisdom and understanding. Think of me as your Lady Macbeth.

First off, do not be embarrassed by your initial comprehension level. You are forgiven if you can’t keep up with his characters’ witty quips, of which there are so many that I’m not even able to narrow it down to a single example. But please forgive me if I guffaw at those same quips with reckless enthusiasm. Something that will occur about a second and a half after everyone else starts laughing. This is how I typically laugh after hearing jokes I definitely understand.

After my chuckles subside, I will be available to help. Just reserve your questions for intermission. Actually, during intermission, I may be busy googling something completely unrelated to the first act. Come to think of it, I’ll be too tired for questions after the show as well. Feel free to research the explanation when you get home and send it to me. I can tell you if it’s right.

Eventually, it will click for you. Seemingly nonsensical passages of antiquated common-speak will cease to perplex. Shakespeare’s words will become like close friends, as the Montagues were to the Capulets.

We’ll take in Hamlet, or King Lear, or one of Shakespeare’s other plays, which I am consciously choosing not to name even though I know all of them like the back of my hand. Shakespeare will be our unbreakable bond. We will grow to become like family, indivisible, just like all the families in Shakespeare’s plays!

Sometimes, I’ll playfully ask joke questions like “Which actress is playing the tempest?” and “Wait, is Othello Black?” The questions are in jest, of course, but please answer them. I’m testing you to see if you understand Shakespeare as well as I do (unlikely).

And should another theater-goer express their comprehension struggles after the curtain call, I’ll help them as I did you. This is all assuming I don’t have a really important appointment I need to rush off to immediately after the show. Also, I sometimes lose my voice very suddenly, even though it may seem that my voice was totally fine just moments earlier. I should also mention that, on occasion, I like to point out things in the distance and, when a subject turns to look at what I am pointing at, I run off in the opposite direction before they have an opportunity to ask any further questions about Shakespeare. This is a rare condition I suffer from. I can’t really get into it right now.

But, much as Leonardo DiCaprio did at the end of that Claire Danes movie, we are getting ahead of ourselves. For as Shakespeare once wrote, “When the wind is southerly, I know a hawk from a hacksaw.” To me, there is more meaning in those brief words than in a thousand encyclopedic volumes. Out of curiosity, what does it mean to you?