«Between ‘Disgusting’ and ‘Scary» — an old dissident’s life in a letter from a detention centre

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Childhood, Stalin and the war

I was born in Vologda in 1961 in the hospital on Chernyshevsky street. Мy mother worked as a waffle maker making ice cream cones at the Vologda Cold Storage Plant ice cream factory. At that time my father was a mechanic working with steam locomotives at the VPVRZ (Vologda Steam Locomotive Car Repair Plant — OVD-Info). In 1968 they stopped repairing steam locomotives, and both my father and I went to school — I started first grade, and he started studying to become a carpenter. He worked as a carpenter until his retirement. In total, he had fifty years of work experience at the VRZ (Railcar Repair Plant — OVD-Info), from January 6, 1953 to January 6, 2003. Our life was similar to many others — we lived in a two-storey wooden house with eight shared apartments and no bathroom facilities.

In 1975 I went to study in a boarding school in the village of Nebolchi in the north of the Novgorod region. It was a school for children with musculoskeletal system disorders. I stayed there for two years. I must mention our mentor and history teacher Mikhail Alekseevich Alexandrov, who was a war veteran. Unlike many veterans who did not like reminiscing about the war, he talked about it a lot, and his stories were far from glorious. He could barely say a word about Stalin without swearing.

Our school principal Ivan Semyonovich Annenkov was also a war veteran. He taught economic geography of the USSR and slowly led us to understanding that the situation with the Soviet economy was not as rosy as Soviet propaganda claimed. Perhaps both of them played a part in the development of my critical thinking. Finally, the Voice of America and the BBC helped a lot. It was quite easy to receive their transmissions until August 1980.

It was a particularly memorable moment when Soviet troops entered Afghanistan. The Voice of America reported it a couple of days before the Soviet TV News announced the coup. During the «The World Today» TV program Anatoly Potapov said: «This is completely an internal affair for Afghanistan, but meeting the numerous requests of the Afghan government the Soviet government introduced a limited contingent of Soviet Armed Forces over there.» It remained unclear which government requested help.

In 1980, my brother, who was a Komsomol activist, was awarded a trip to France. He told me all about it when he came back, and also brought back a few things. For some reason I particularly remember a plain paper bag from some store. He used it for a long time afterwards to carry his children’s laundry. These are all the things that gradually helped develop my negative attitude towards the Soviet regime. That is why it was easier for me to welcome and accept the 90-s.

I will never forget that emotional uplift on August 22, 1991. I do not know if I will ever experience it again. In 1989, we formed the electoral literacy club «the Alternative» in Vologda. I participated in its work and was a member of its coordination council, so I have my modest share in making the «wild» 90s possible. I can describe my attitude toward the 90s as the brightest period of my life. Despite financial challenges and working two jobs, there was hope, and every consecutive year was better than the previous one. It is enough to compare life during Yeltsin’s presidency, in 1991 and 1999. Despite the default of 1998, these years are worlds apart.

The family

In 2009, I buried my parents. I was left alone, though I have a brother, he has three children, and six grandchildren. A year and a half ago, my brother got elected as the Chair of the local Council for warVeterans. After he retired, he became active with the veteran organization. He repaired the ambulance car from the train formed in June 1941 at the Vologda locomotive and car repair workshop. In March 2022, we discussed recent events.

I criticised him for supporting «the special military operation» in a comment he made in an interview with a web publication. He responded by warning me about the responsibility for the posts I publish. That was it. We don’t communicate directly anymore, only through a lawyer. A month after his visit, the FSB came with the first search.