30's Are The New Confident
With a looming birthday in the wings, I have recently begun thinking about my life and its state of affairs. At the age of 37, I've been able to experience a few major life events, a plethora of not so major events and in between I've found a way to learn from them all. These are the top five lessons that have stood true throughout all of my 30's and even more so as I creep closer into my 40's.
1. Life is not a race, and you are not competing against anyone except yourself. My early years into adulthood felt very chaotic and forced. The act of going to college and being told to choose what I wanted to be doing when I was 50 had always seemed so unrealistic to me. How was I supposed to know what I wanted to do 20 years from that moment if I had just spent the past 12 years learning information that someone else wanted me to learn? Yes the programs in college were important and on occasion very interesting, however being placed in a specialized program so early on didn't allow for me to really explore my own interests or talents. It wasn't until almost 20 years later that I returned to academia with a fresh approach, taking survey courses for the joy of learning and not a degree, that I was finally able to start getting a feel for where my passions lye.
2. You must learn to love yourself to find love in others. I have had the opportunity to connect with many people on many levels throughout my lifetime, and the majority of endings to my relationships came down to my own insecurities and lack of all-encompassing love for myself. Being able to accept my own short comings and faults, I've been able to take away my need to tear down others. The attributes you criticize in others, is a simple reflection of the attributes within yourself that you don't like. Recognizing that action and remaining mindful about why I feel the need to lash out has brought to light the parts of my self that needs work, allowing for me to address and correct them.
3. You do not have to be friends with everyone. Being the type of person that lives by the Rodney King slogan, "Can't we all just get along?" I have a hard time turning people away. But not all people are positive additions in your life. Some people, if you allow it, are very draining, be it a time drain, or even worse an emotional drain. Be selective about who you let into your personal space. Ensure that the people you invite in are uplifting and supportive of your life choices. If you come across people that aren't in line with what you want in life, cutting the cord on that friendship or relationship could be a very refreshing experience. Imagine what you could get accomplished if you weren't so bogged down by everyone's opinions on what you should be doing with your life!
4. Saying NO is healthy. In line with not having being friends with everyone, you also do have to do everything everyone asks of you! I cannot stress enough how quickly you should learn to be comfortable with saying no and setting limits with the people you interact with. Being a single mother, my time is stretched thin just by walking out my front door. Needing to be selective about what activities I commit to or I'll end up having an upwards of 15 hour day, all while a tagging seven-year old fidgets and moans about how hungry and tired she is. At a certain point I had to finally just accept that unlike Wonder Woman, who isn't real, I couldn't do everything all at once or all by myself. And I'm finally okay with that.
5. There is never a good time to end a bad situation, and there is never a bad time to start all over. This was my most difficult but most gratifying lesson of them all. Having come from broken homes, abusive relationships with both partners and me, and finding my way back out on the other side; new beginnings have always been the sweetest lessons for me. Past situations will never fully go away, memories will remain and sometimes even the marks on your body will leave scars that tell their stories long after you've forget the words, but you can always make the choice to end a bad situation. I'll never tell anyone that making the choice to leave is easy, because it never is. I will tell you however; that the feeling you walk around with each day, the one that gets caught in your throat and leaves you questioning your own self, will absolutely vanish once you make that decision to go. Having gone through it, I can say without hesitation, that there is so much more out there for you to be a part of if you gave yourself the opportunity to experience it.
As I grow closer to another year on the books, being able to experience life on my own terms has become a new focus for me. While I feel the first 30 years were a good foundation from which to build on, it is these next sixty or so years I have remaining that will really bleed true the person I have chosen to be. I have thrown out the old rule book given to me as a girl and have started creating my own.
1. Life is not a race, and you are not competing against anyone except yourself. My early years into adulthood felt very chaotic and forced. The act of going to college and being told to choose what I wanted to be doing when I was 50 had always seemed so unrealistic to me. How was I supposed to know what I wanted to do 20 years from that moment if I had just spent the past 12 years learning information that someone else wanted me to learn? Yes the programs in college were important and on occasion very interesting, however being placed in a specialized program so early on didn't allow for me to really explore my own interests or talents. It wasn't until almost 20 years later that I returned to academia with a fresh approach, taking survey courses for the joy of learning and not a degree, that I was finally able to start getting a feel for where my passions lye.
2. You must learn to love yourself to find love in others. I have had the opportunity to connect with many people on many levels throughout my lifetime, and the majority of endings to my relationships came down to my own insecurities and lack of all-encompassing love for myself. Being able to accept my own short comings and faults, I've been able to take away my need to tear down others. The attributes you criticize in others, is a simple reflection of the attributes within yourself that you don't like. Recognizing that action and remaining mindful about why I feel the need to lash out has brought to light the parts of my self that needs work, allowing for me to address and correct them.
3. You do not have to be friends with everyone. Being the type of person that lives by the Rodney King slogan, "Can't we all just get along?" I have a hard time turning people away. But not all people are positive additions in your life. Some people, if you allow it, are very draining, be it a time drain, or even worse an emotional drain. Be selective about who you let into your personal space. Ensure that the people you invite in are uplifting and supportive of your life choices. If you come across people that aren't in line with what you want in life, cutting the cord on that friendship or relationship could be a very refreshing experience. Imagine what you could get accomplished if you weren't so bogged down by everyone's opinions on what you should be doing with your life!
4. Saying NO is healthy. In line with not having being friends with everyone, you also do have to do everything everyone asks of you! I cannot stress enough how quickly you should learn to be comfortable with saying no and setting limits with the people you interact with. Being a single mother, my time is stretched thin just by walking out my front door. Needing to be selective about what activities I commit to or I'll end up having an upwards of 15 hour day, all while a tagging seven-year old fidgets and moans about how hungry and tired she is. At a certain point I had to finally just accept that unlike Wonder Woman, who isn't real, I couldn't do everything all at once or all by myself. And I'm finally okay with that.
5. There is never a good time to end a bad situation, and there is never a bad time to start all over. This was my most difficult but most gratifying lesson of them all. Having come from broken homes, abusive relationships with both partners and me, and finding my way back out on the other side; new beginnings have always been the sweetest lessons for me. Past situations will never fully go away, memories will remain and sometimes even the marks on your body will leave scars that tell their stories long after you've forget the words, but you can always make the choice to end a bad situation. I'll never tell anyone that making the choice to leave is easy, because it never is. I will tell you however; that the feeling you walk around with each day, the one that gets caught in your throat and leaves you questioning your own self, will absolutely vanish once you make that decision to go. Having gone through it, I can say without hesitation, that there is so much more out there for you to be a part of if you gave yourself the opportunity to experience it.
As I grow closer to another year on the books, being able to experience life on my own terms has become a new focus for me. While I feel the first 30 years were a good foundation from which to build on, it is these next sixty or so years I have remaining that will really bleed true the person I have chosen to be. I have thrown out the old rule book given to me as a girl and have started creating my own.
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