Watch: Before You See '50 Shades Of Grey,' Get Kinky With The Re-Release Trailer For 'Secretary'

Love it or hate it, people are going to flock to see the Dakota Johnson and Jamie Dornan-starring adaptation of “Fifty Shades of Grey” come Valentine’s Day. The E.L. James bestseller has practically taken on a life of its own – colossally outsized though it may be – and in turn, has prompted an innumerable amount of think pieces and more. The marketing campaign has made it look like a souped-up lingerie ad that’s so sticky and sleazy you can practically wipe the translucent film off your computer screen. It certainly won’t be to every taste, but that won’t stop throes of people from showing up to buy a ticket for Sam-Taylor Johnson’s film once it opens on February 13th.

There’s probably a smaller percentage of people out there who remember 2002’s “Secretary,” another film about submissive sex that involved a man named Mr. Grey. That would be James Spader’s Edward Grey, a droll attorney who makes a sex slave out of his bright-eyed, bushy-tailed new employee, played by Maggie...