Discord's new age verification rules got you down? Allow me to suggest an alternative: Internet Relay Chat

Discord announced this week that very soon, users who want to be treated like they're not still in their junior year of high school may have to submit to a facial scan, or provide approved ID, to prove they're an adult. Some folks aren't too keen on the idea (and some of us just ain't doin' it no-how), and as the days when Discord was still good recede further into memory, we're forced to wonder: What are our choices?

I'm here to tell you there are choices, and one of them has been around quite possibly for longer than you've been alive. It's called Internet Relay Chat, IRC for short, and I—someone who's been using it quite possibly for longer than you've been alive—am here to extol its many virtues.

IRC was created in 1988 and as you'd expect from a program of that vintage, it's purely text based: There's no video chat, there's no voice chat, and you can't even send files to other people unless both of you can figure out the DCC (direct client-to-client) protocol, the odds of which range from "pretty good" to "zero" depending on how many years of computer science you've got under your belt.

It looks like this:

IRC's chief strength compared to platforms like Discord is that it's very open. It's not private or secure—quite the opposite, really, unless you want to put some serious effort into masking your movements—but it can't be controlled or regulated like conventional social media networks because it's completely decentralized. Each server has its own policies, and if one of those policies isn't to your liking, go somewhere else—or set up your own, if you want. Unlike Discord, there's no overarching authority laying out rules for what is and isn't allowable.

If you want to use IRC like a pro, you're going to need to learn the commands. You'll need /SERVER to connect to an IRC server (you'll also need a list of IRC servers, along with suitable ports), and /JOIN to join or create a channel, the name of which must be preceded by a # for reasons. (I assume there are reasons, anyway.) /NICK will enable you to change your handle (followed quickly by /MSG NICKSERV ID if you're a registered user), /PART will cause you to exit a channel (but remain on the server), /PING tests your connection, and /WHOIS will give you the detailed lowdown on other users on the server. That's a good starters list to memorize.

Alternatively, you can snag yourself an IRC client: My recommendation, since around late 1995, is Mirc (technically mIRC, but I'm not doing that), first released that year by Khaled Mardam-Bey, who continues to work on it to this day. It simplifies the process as much as possible: You'll still need to know the difference between a channel and a server, and registering a nick or setting up a channel bot is going to take some typing, but most mainline functionality is clickable, and it has a scripting language you can use to automate a lot of processes. (You will need to learn the scripting language. Mirc will not teach you. Probably best to leave that for later.) If you want to immerse yourself in IRC in the year 2026, Mirc pretty much a must-have.

The Mirc website, for the record, looks like this:

We can do better

Which brings us to the obvious question: Do you want to immerse yourself in IRC in the year of our lord 2026? For most people, the answer is going to be 'probably not.' I was there for IRC's early days and it will always have a place in my heart (and on my SSD), but nostalgia doesn't blind me to its limitations: This is a system that was designed at a time when local BBSes were still common and the online world was dominated by a handful of disparate weirdo enthusiasts who knew the Hayes AT command set by heart. IRC is not difficult, strictly speaking, but it is brutally anachronistic. (Which frankly is one of the things I like about it.)

So maybe it's not for you. (But maybe it is, too—you should really try it before you decide!) If not, that's okay, because the broader point holds: There are alternatives. They may have a few more sharp edges and take a little more effort than we're used to these days, but surrender to the growing global surveillance machine is not our only choice. The internet used to work for us, and work well, and a lot of the clunky-ass software that made it so is still kicking around, quietly chugging away under the auspices of a handful of people who looked to the horizon of our digital future and said, man, this sucks.

It may even be, if we're lucky, that the rise of ham-fisted "online safety" legislation, and the corporate acquiescence that's already following in lockstep, will lead to a kind of devolution of the internet that will see a new heyday of discrete websites, forums, and chat platforms. (TeamSpeak is still around too, you know.) All a bit pie-in-the-sky right now, maybe, but the way things are going, I think having a backup plan for when the lights go out isn't a bad idea at all.

The Serial Port, a "virtual museum" on YouTube dedicated to old technology, recently did an episode on IRC. Even if, despite my best efforts, you have zero intention of giving it a try, it's a lot of fun to watch—this really is peak internet.