The 'Strict' Parenting Rules That Experts Actually Stand By

Raise your hand if your child is a huge fan of strict rules limiting their screen time. What’s that, no hands in the air? Not to worry, my hand isn’t raised either.

As the mother of a 13-year-old who loves quality time with his video games and scrolling on YouTube, the screentime rules I’ve established (and do my best to enforce) have become a frequent point of contention.

Forgive me for stating the obvious, but parenting is not always a walk in the park. And given that reality, it’s not unusual to occasionally second-guess yourself – especially when the rules you’ve laid out may seem quite strict or become a source of drama between you and your child.

There are many reasons why parents employ strict rules with children: to keep them safe, teach responsibility and accountability, foster healthy habits, encourage academic discipline and, well, to raise good, well-balanced humans. 

Some parental rules have the intended effect, while others may not work as you hoped or planned. On still other occasions, being the bad cop and enforcing the rules is just plain hard or exhausting.

“Boundaries can feel like the hardest part of parenting,” clinical psychologistMichelle Chung, Psy.D.,co-founder of the non-profit organisation The Modern Approach to Parenting, told HuffPost. “We want our kids to feel trusted, capable, and free. We also want them to be safe, rested and emotionally well – and these goals don’t always coexist comfortably.”

With all of this in mind, we asked parenting experts to share some of the strict rules that they stand by and believe are totally worth our parental effort. Here’s what the experts said.

No phones (or electronics) in the bedroom at night

Turning our attention back to the battle over electronics that often takes place with children, experts largely agree that having phones or iPads in the bedroom as lights-out approaches is a big no-no. Not only do electronics get in the way of a good night’s rest, but they can also be disruptive to a growing child’s mental health.

“Even adults struggle to put the phone down when we’re tired, bored, or stressed,” said Chung. “For kids and teens, whose brains are still developing the ability to regulate impulses and emotions, that tiny glowing screen can become the boss of their attention, their social world and their sleep.”

“Protecting their nights means protecting their mental health,” added Chung. “It’s saying ‘I know rest is the foundation for everything you dream of doing – and I’m going to help you guard it.’ ”

Everyone does chores

Here’s what a typical Friday afternoon in our house sounds like. Me to my son: “Please bring the trash bins in.” Crickets. “Please bring the trash bins in.” Still crickets. “Please bring the trash bins in, you know it’s your job to do that, every single Friday.”

“OK mom, after I finish this round of (insert any video game name here.)”

Having to remind a child several times to complete their daily or weekly chores, whether it’s taking the dogs for a walk or folding the laundry, can be more than a little frustrating. The eye rolls, the excuses, most of us have been there. And sometimes, as a parent, it can be easier just to give up than engage in the argument.

But experts say this is a battle well worth fighting.Study afterstudy has shown that requiring children to do chores has a long list of incredibly positive effects, including improving social skills, academic skills, memory and overall life satisfaction. And those aren’t the only reasons to enforce requirements surrounding chores.

“We are citizens of this family. Chores are about identity,” said Robyn Koslowitz, Ph.D., a clinical child psychologist and author of Post-Traumatic Parenting: Break the Cycle, Become the Parent You Always Wanted to Be.

“When kids contribute to the running of the home, they learn that they are capable, needed and responsible for more than their own comfort.”

What’s more, having your child do chores helps to combat the “everything is about me” mindset, added Koslowitz.

The ‘must-answer’ rule

Cell phones have become ubiquitous among kids these days. In many ways, it’s understandable. They are, after all, an invaluable way for families to communicate in today’s busy world.

Many parents even enforce a “must-answer” rule with children who have their own phones. Meaning: if a parent calls, you must answer. Or at the very least, call or text back within a reasonable amount of time.

I’m sure you can guess where this is going: kids, of course, don’t alwaysfollow the must-answer rule. Cue, another potential cause for relationship friction. Nevertheless, experts say this strict rule is definitely worth it.

“This is not about controlling your child – this is about maintaining a secure base for your child,” said Hezekiah Herrera, Ed.D., a K-12 education specialist based in California.

For many, the purpose of allowing a child to have a phone is to provide a way to connect with caregivers or parents whenever necessary. The connection a phone provides allows a child to maintain a “safe base,” explained Herrera.

“However, when a child chooses to ignore their caregivers, the connection is severed and therefore, the’ ‘safety net’ is removed,” added Herrera. “The purpose of this rule is to teach the child that freedom comes with responsibility for communication (a vital life skill).”

Meeting certain standards before considering sleepovers

At a certain point in a child’s life, sleepovers become all the rage. As this chapter arrives, parents may establish household rules surrounding such requests. Will sleepovers be allowed? If so, under what circumstances? 

Some experts say sleepovers are fraught with the potential for exposing your child to anunsafe situation, ranging from bullying to drug and alcohol use and more. Amid such concerns, it’s not unusual for families to establish especially strict rules about sleepovers.

Other experts, however, say there are benefits to this right of passage, including social development and friendship building. So are the strict rules worth it on the sleepover front? Yes, depending on the child.

“My rule is that I only send a child for a sleepover if I am confident they will tell me if something feels off or if something happens there,” said Koslowitz. “The core question is less ‘Are they 11 yet?’ and more ‘Does this particular child feel safe enough with me to come and tell me if there is a problem?’ If the answer is no, we do an evening playdate and pick-up at bedtime instead.”

‘Tell us where you’re going’

Communicating effectively is an essential life skill, which is one of the key reasons this rule is crucial for children.

“This rule helps kids learn the lifelong skill of communicating their whereabouts. It reinforces that safety is a shared responsibility and teaches kids to pause and check in before making independent decisions,” explained Emily Greenberg, co-founder, president and parenting coach at the Joy Parenting Club.

“Developmentally, kids feel more confident exploring when they know the adults in their world are tuned in and paying attention.”

Helmets are non-negotiable

Let’s all say it together, shall we: accidents happen. And bodies, of course, are breakable. So, when wheels of some form are involved, maintaining strict rules as a parent is a no brainer. 

“I let kids have a lot of voice in many areas of life. Helmets on bikes, scooters, skates or hoverboards are not one of those areas,” Koslowitz said. “I don’t care whose mom lets a child do something different. I don’t care how uncool you might look or how much of a rush you’re in.”

When parents treat their child’s safety as non-negotiable, it sends a powerful message: “Your body matters. You are worth protecting.”

Homework comes before screens

Does one of your strict parent rules require homework or studying to be done before a child embarks on screen time or other free time? Keep up the good work.

Kids aren’t born knowing how to prioritise and organise their time effectively. To be fair, it’s a skill plenty of adults struggle with. So experts recommend enforcing rules about getting work done before play.

“This rule teaches follow-through, planning and the ability to delay gratification,” said Greenberg. “It removes daily bargaining battles and supports the long-term skill of managing responsibilities before distractions. 

“The goal isn’t perfection,” added Greenberg. “It’s helping kids build habits that make life easier for their future selves.”

Prioritising family dinner

In busy homes, family meals can fall by the wayside. Or at the very least, seem like an inconvenience. But here too, studies have shown that there are many benefits to regular family dinners (at least three to four nights per week), particularly for a young child’s health and development. 

Routine family dinners help support a child’s academic performance, self-esteem and nutrition education, to name just a few of the positive outcomes. 

“This can feel like a ‘strict’ expectation. I see it as one of the best emotional safety rules we have,” said Koslowitz. “Sitting down together, without devices, gives kids a regular dose of being seen and heard. They get a daily reminder that ‘In this family, we check in with each other.’”

Setting that rhythm for your child is incredibly protective, especially for kids who are anxious, sensitive or dealing with stress outside the home. 

Bottom line: like the other rules on this list, requiring regular family dinners might take a bit of effort – and may have you playing the “strict” bad cop role – but it is entirely worth the effort.