ARSENAL DAMAGE VILLA WITH SAVAGE SPANKING
I love this time of year. The dead zone between Christmas and New Year. I don’t look at the news, I walk a lot, and I write in the evenings next to a very dead Christmas tree. Life is good. Writing tonight feels extra special. Arsenal just closed out the year with a magnificent win. They set the record straight with Emery, and they made a statement to Man City: you can chase, but we’re not buckling this season.
The show the boys put on was nothing short of spectacular. It was an entertaining evening of end-to-end football, mostly dominated by a very controlled Arsenal. I’m relaxed right now, but come on, when the news dropped before the game that Declan was out injured, did you not feel the wash of ‘not us, again’? I did. On Unai Emery Derby Day as well; surely it wasn’t going to happen to Arsenal again?
A little word on that as well. Declan showed up with the team to the stadium as a planned member of the squad. Who the fuck is working at the club that was so horny for attention that they leaked an absolutely crucial bit of information to The Athletic, giving Emery the chance to shape his side around the advantageous news? Disgraceful stuff. I genuinely cannot fathom why anyone would leak something so damaging.
Anyway, it didn’t matter. Arsenal shaped the midfield with Sociedad’s finest alumni, and the front three were Saka, Gyok, and Trossard. The defence welcomed Big Gabi, Timber, and Hincapie into the mixer.
I was hoping for a disgusting evening of suffocating control; what we got in the first 17 minutes was a basketball slugfest. Arsenal were largely dominant of the possession, but Villa kept luring us into the press and cutting through the middle. Ollie Watkins put the argument to rest over who we should have signed as our 9. We needed him at Villa, missing two absolute sitters. The first came when Gabriel played a ball into the feet of Gyokeres who had found himself in Gabi Jesus-land (crazy deep). It did not go well. He didn’t see Konsa in behind him, and he crumpled under the challenge. Konsa powered towards the box. It was 3 vs 3, releasing Watkins one vs one with Raya, with the shot being passed left of the post with an awful finish.
There was a lot of control and hopeful balls, but not much bite from Arsenal. Gyokeres, who by his standards was having a good game, put a tame header over early on. Then he did a little better when he attacked a front post cross from Trossard that whistled a yard wide of Martinez’s post. It is strange to really watch his runs… I can’t help but think he hides and drifts into spaces that aren’t that easy to find and seem… well… not very number 9ish.
The last 15 minutes of the first half is when things started to click for Arsenal. Villa’s dangerous movement out the back worked really well early on in the game, but as they started to fade physically, the cracks started to show, and Arsenal found another gear. Case in point was a moment on 41 where Rogers was trying to weave out of the bottom third of the pitch. He had to double back on himself, moving into his own area, boxed in by six Arsenal players snapping at the ball. Odegaard snatched it off him, but Darren England inexplicably blew the foul the way of Rogers.
The final ‘oooooohhhhhh shit’ moment of the half was watching Sancho break free on the right and clip a ball across the face of goal on a silver platter for Watkins. Big Bill had other ideas and toed the ball wide. The call might have been offside, but we have to report the excellence regardless.
I read a lot of very dramatic comments about the importance of beating Villa before the game.
‘Title over if it’s a draw’
We’re all living like that this season because we know how good City are. There are no margins for fuck ups in this Premier League. We can’t rely on the Premier League announcing decisions on charges. We’re going to have to do this the hard way. So how we came out for the second half was important, and let me tell you, we came out HARD. Like, hard working.
46 minutes in. Corner kick. Saka is over it. Big Gabi moved under Martinez. Saka moves to punch his corner in. Martinez puts a BIG shove on Gabriel. The Brazilian moves right back under the keeper. He drops a big flap and it ends up in the net. I thought it was an own goal. Big Gabi celebrated like it was his and it was, in fact, his. WHAT A MOMENT! Oh, how we’ve missed his presence! Power, presence, shithousery, dark arts, the sort of drive only champions have!
Calamitous from Emi Martinez, flapper-in-chief.
The second goal was all Odegaard. He jumped in front of a ball from Tielemans to Sancho, drove towards the Villa area, and Zubi started that late second-man run into the box. Martin stroked the ball into his run, Zubi shifted his feet and clipped it past Emi. COME ON, WHAT A GOAL! That was pure Bergkamp to Freddie Ljungberg! MONUMENTAL STUFF! This Martin guy looks like the kid we were watching in 22/23.
It was just Arsenal battering Villa from there. Odegaard was taking pot shots; crosses were molesting Martinez. We were on fire, hunting down that third like big clubs do. Then it came. Odegaard’s cross hit Saka, his header was terrible, Digne tried to break out of the box with the ball at his feet, but Timber caught him and laid it off to Trossard, who let rip with his right foot into the bottom corner. Martinez didn’t even dive.
Darren England and his team searched and searched for reasons not to give it. The man who found just three minutes of added time in a first half that saw just 24 minutes of ball in play really did make some odd decisions. But Arsenal just get on with it these days. PGMOL narratives can’t hurt us.
Our fourth was just vintage Arsenal. Odegaard hooked a ball out wide to Zubi who was just before the halfway line. Zubi sprinted three yards, Trossard overlapped and took on the sprint, and he found Jesus on the edge of the box. The Brazilian stunned the ball with his right, stopped, and clipped his shot inside the far post in one movement. It was a SCREAMER!
THEY SAY WE CAN’T TRUST HIM BUT I WILL TAKE HIM BACK INTO MY HEART. HE HAS IT ALL. WHAT A PLAYER. HE EVEN REFERRED TO HIMSELF ON HIS SHIRT WITH A MESSAGE ‘I BELONG TO JESUS’.
We really could have made it five or six after that. Saka was guilty of greedy actions that he had every right to be greedy with. He fluffed his lines with a shot he blazed over and another header he looked like he’d closed his eyes on.
Arsenal got really sloppy in injury time. Watkins rattled the inside post, the ball came back across goal, McGinn bearing down, and somehow it was hooked out by Raya. An unreal save. World class. That wasn’t the last of the dim moves. We let Maylen waltz past Saliba, past Raya who was tight to the near post; he crept it under everyone, and MLS was napping allowing Watkins his customary goal. No doubt Arteta was fucking fuming at that goal. City are now six goals ahead of us when they should be five. Conceding a goal past 90 minutes when you’ve not conceded a shot on target through 92 is tragic stuff. Just a lack of focus that I hope is sharpened.
The boys went nuts after the game. Big Gabi had some tunnel trouble with Onana, taking the piss after his tunnel carry-on at Villa Park. Emi Martinez was crying on the pitch; he got into some shit with our home fans because he was riled up. Unai Emery ran off the pitch to cry, then had a meltdown in the post-match interview. The Arsenal boys celebrated like lunatics and they deserved to. That was a massive, massive win and they were absolutely brilliant.
I’m not going to get into any negatives today. The Declan Rice injury is inconsequential. There won’t be scans or concerns for the next game. Big Gabi exited for cramps. We escaped that game unscathed which is simply the most magic thing that could have happened.
My MotM was Trossard. Was I wrong about him? Yes. Very wrong. That man is the heartbeat of our attack this season; he has 7 goals, 6 assists to his name. He celebrates blocks. He gets the crowd going. He holds his teammates to higher standards. The man is having a Pires-like season and we need to put a lot of respect on the work he’s doing. A goal and an assist in a HUGE game. I love him.
Martin Odegaard, my oh my, what is this specialness we’re looking at? He created three chances, took four shots, bagged one assist, made 10 defensive contributions, and delivered GET OFF YOUR FEET energy for the whole game. This is the player we love. Leading by example, making a difference, showing fans the way to the league title. He was simply magnificent. What a bonus that he’s very fresh heading into a tough period!
Big Gabi. The heartbeat of this team. Or should I be respectful: one of them. We missed him. His self-inflicted stint out pissed me off, but my word, I accept the flowers, and the goal. What a beast this guy is. He sets the tone for aggression, belief, and tenacity. Watching him menace Villa players was a sight to behold. Sometimes I watch him and remember the banter era, seeing older players bully out kids and no one stepping up. Not anymore. Gabriel is so, so important and we’re lucky to have him.
Final shout: gotta go all in on Zubimendi. He has redefined what it is to be a number 6 in the Premier League. You can be a destroyer that gets sent off and picks up dim bookings that rule you out of big games. Or you can be a maestro that keeps things ticking over with speed of thought, deft mobility, and incredible focus. The ease with which this man has settled into a very good Arsenal side has blown me away. He was easily one of the best players on the pitch, and the goal was stunning number 9 craft for a 6.
We could have conversations about Gyokeres, but we know what we have now. Let nature take its course. Kai and Jesus have that ‘going concern’ covered. I could complain about Saka, but we know what he is, and we know when we need him, he’ll be there ready to explode. We could complain about Merino, but if you’re doing that, I can’t even be in the same room as you. You think he was terrible in a game like that? Total control of that midfield? Come on. We are serious people. That is not serious discourse.
Let’s also pretend I didn’t already call time on the final call, because it’s Arteta. The man has been producing title-winning systems for three years now. This is his fourth and he finally has players that look like they can deliver for him. The man is focused, he has the players firing on all cylinders, he’s at his peak right now. He deserves so much credit for having us top of the league in two comps right now and in the semi of a domestic cup.
He has to pull it together for another five months, but I’m feeling good. Mosquera is two weeks away at max. Calafiori will be back whenever. But those are the only two players we have missing at the moment that matter. We have a full squad of options to choose from in 2026. If Arteta can learn the lessons of the front half of the season and dial back his training proclivities, and rotate his squad a little more... we’re winning it all this season.
Ok, that’s me done. If you want some On The Whistle, get the below into your veins and get that HOT Christmas deal before it’s over. x