What Is 'Chatfishing', The Disappointing Dating Trend Plaguing Apps?

You might have heard of “catfishing”, which happens when people create fake or misleading profiles online in order to draw others in.

The term comes from a 2010 documentary, Catfish, which compared the practice to the catfish one of the cast members suggested were included in tanks of cod to keep them agile in transit. 

“I thank God for the catfish because we would be droll, boring and dull if we didn’t have somebody nipping at our fin,” Vince Pierce, who helped to inspire the name of the movie, said in the flick.

But according to author and relationship and self-help expert Tam Kaur, another species has taken its place: we are now in an age of “chatfishing”. 

What is “chatfishing”?

“‘Chatfishing’ is when someone uses an AI tool, like ChatGPT or Gemini, to write their messages on dating apps,” Kaur shared. 

Though it doesn’t exactly sound romantic, the self-help expert said she understands why reliance on large language models (LLMs) like these is growing. 

The machines, after all, won’t make an embarrassing grammar or spelling mistake, and they can make the “awkward” process of starting a conversation a little smoother.

“Using AI becomes a way to show up as a ‘perfect’ version of yourself, without the fear of rejection,” the expert continued. 

But that doesn’t take away from the core issue: if the chat goes well, the goal is to enter a scenario in which you have no choice but to be yourself, in real life.

“Ultimately, many people use the tools to enhance their confidence with online dating, but they don’t realise it’s doing a disservice to themselves as they deceive their matches,” Kaur said.

“It is a very real form of deception because you’re presenting as a person who isn’t you. That doesn’t show respect to the person on the other end who’s trying to get to know you.

“Relationships, whether they’re casual or committed, are built on trust, and when you start something off with even small dishonesty, you’re disrespecting whoever you’re entering this relationship with.”

How can I spot a “chatfisher”? 

It can be hard to spot, especially when you don’t know the person’s usual texting style, the author admitted. 

But sometimes, “chatfishers” leave clues behind. 

“If the message is from someone based in the UK, but uses American spelling, this can be a key sign. Most AI tools default to Americanised spellings, opting for ‘z’ instead of ‘s’ or ‘olor’ instead of ‘olour’,” she explained. 

“A message that uses strange punctuation, which you wouldn’t see in regular text conversations, could also be a sign – for example, random hyphens or odd spacing before the start of sentences.

Most of all, Kaur ended, “it’s about trusting your own intuition. If something feels off or too curated, it probably is.”