DoorDash Order Arrives In Humiliatingly Large Bag

CHICAGO—A feeling of utter helplessness flooding his nervous system from the very moment he spotted the “enormous” brown paper sack, area 34-year-old Caleb Atkinson told reporters Wednesday his DoorDash order had arrived in a humiliatingly large bag. 

Atkinson, who lives alone, alleged the size of the bag used by local restaurant Gyro Grill to pack his order was grossly disproportionate to the modest amount of food it contained. He reportedly winced when he accepted the delivery, looking left and then right to see if anyone had witnessed him taking the bag that had so much extra space he could “feel the food sliding around in there.”

“The bag is way too big,” said Atkinson, who grew increasingly agitated as he recalled how the delivery driver, identified by the app simply as “Bryan,” had handed him the bag using both hands, as if it were heavy, though by any objective standard it was not. “I only got a couple things. It doesn’t make any sense to give me a bag this big.”

“Why would they do this?” he added.

Initially, Atkinson presumed the order was for another resident of his building. Given the bag’s excess size, the medical billing specialist stated that he thought it must have belonged to his upstairs neighbors, a couple with two children. But that assumption was quickly turned on its head, he explained, when the driver carrying the bag looked at him and—to his great embarrassment and dismay—said, “Caleb?” 

“If anybody would have seen me, they would have probably thought I got a ton of food,” said a visibly exasperated Atkinson, noting that the only items in his order were a crispy chicken sandwich without tomato and a side of fries, which could have been contained in a package one-fourth or even one-fifth of the bag’s size. “It’s not fair, because I didn’t. I just got one meal.”

“I don’t understand why they didn’t give me a smaller bag,” he continued. “You could fit enough in this one to feed a whole family. And it’s just me in this apartment.”

Sources confirmed the large paper bag continued to plague the man throughout what he had hoped would be a peaceful evening. According to Atkinson, the bag was so tall that it blocked the lower third of his television screen, causing him to have to get off the sofa and move it from the coffee table to the floor. In what he described as a hassle that “added insult to injury,” Atkinson was also forced to repeatedly stick his arm up to his elbow inside the offending bag every time he wanted to retrieve a fry. 

When asked for his view on the quality of the meal, Atkinson told reporters the food was “fine,” though he admitted he might have enjoyed it more had he not been so distracted by the bag.  

“I kept thinking about the bag,” he said, acknowledging that while it was a possibility Gyro Grill had run out of small- and medium-
sized bags, he was disinclined to believe it. “Even if they were all out of smaller bags, I would have preferred no bag at all to this big bag. It was too big. Much too big for what I ordered, which wasn’t much at all.”

Reached for comment on the size of the bag, Molly Carson, who lives across the street from Atkinson, said she had witnessed the delivery and concluded her neighbor “must have been really hungry,” because his order appeared to be “a disgustingly huge dinner” for any one man to consume. 

The post DoorDash Order Arrives In Humiliatingly Large Bag appeared first on The Onion.