The White Sox prospective lineup just rolls off the tongue
Or, at least, stumbles — unlike the poetry contained herein
As players report, there are any number of sources making predictions about who might be playing where for the White Sox in 2025. But let us refer to the one published at MLB itself, written by Scott Merkin — who, as the team shill, should have sources within the organization, even if none of them bothered to tell him the place they’ll play is no longer called Guaranteed Rate. To differ from Merkin’s deathless prose, however, let us instead indulge in another classic literary form, one appropriate for Valentine’s week.
For the Sox lineup we shan’t look at pitchery,
For there are so many for that we’d need witchery.
Instead we’ll engage in a some small hocus-pocus
To bring the position players in focus
And find just how much the Sox are thriving
Thanks to a winter of dumpster diving.
CATCHER
First option we can see
Is bringing back in Korey Lee,
Who has an arm like a bazooka burst
But tends to forget to catch the ball first.
Lee could split time with free agent Matt Thaiss
For whom reaching the Mendoza Line would be nice
And whose route to the White Sox was smoothly paved
By loads of minus defensive runs saved.
Of course, there are those who feel
One will be replaced by prospect Kyle Teel,
Or, should Teel’s hopes start narrowing,
The Sox could just go Edgar Quero-ing.
FIRST BASE
Alas, we’re doomed to gaze upon
The snail-like movement of Andrew Vaughn
Though the team could say, “What the heck,”
And give a 43rd chance to Bobby Dalbec,
Or take a gamble on playing Tim Elko,
Whose laser shots seem powered by Delco,
And can really put some oomph on the ball
On the few occasions he hits it at all.
SECOND BASE
Apparently we should say our alohas
To new Sox second baseman Josh Rojas
Whose best position is actually third,
But Sox play him there? Don’t be absurd.
Then there’s a chance, all too seriosa
Of bringing back the stone hands of Lenyn Sosa
Or putting Brooks Baldwin into the mix
In hopes his OPS comes close to six,
Or even saving an infield place
For newcomer Meidroth, first name Chase.
THIRD BASE
Lacking the superhero Argus,
The Sox choice here is Miguel Vargas,
Who came from the Dodgers, then hit the floor,
And batted a mighty one-oh-four.
Or it could be another dose
Of defensively-challenged Bryan Ramos
Or any of the names they’ve reckoned
Also could play short or second.
SHORTSTOP
Never mind what scouts may say.
What do they know, anyway?
Forgetting all their negative flummery,
The Sox may well play Colson Montgomery,
And who cares how many grounders get by,
We’ll stick with him ’cause he’s our guy.
And if he’s not, then we’ll find love
For any of the players named above,
Or, if those guys are no day at the playa,
There’s always the D of Jacob Amaya,
And OK, sure, he can’t hit a lick,
But it’s not like the others have a big stick.
OUTFIELD
In left, we don’t wish to offend ye,
But you’re stuck with Andrew Benintendi,
And if he’s replaced, sooner or later,
Things could get worse with Austin Slater.
In center, there’s Luis Robert J-R,
A one-time mighty Sox All-Star,
Except he could get traded quite soon
Sending the offense into a swoon
Though it could be a defensive up-scaler
If the replacement is Michael A. Taylor.
Over in right, turn up your Walkman,
To hear them announce it’ll be Mike Tauchman,
Although for more D, you betch-er,
They could turn to Dominic Fletcher
And hope that this time when he’s told
He remembers which end of the bat to hold.
Or the Sox could very meanly troll us
And give another shot to Oscar Colás —
At least we could send an hilarious text
Of whatever brain fart he has next.
DESIGNATED HITTER
Based on their defensive ability,
Speed and balance and agility,
Almost every player listed above
Would be, push come to shove,
Better off as a defensive bench-sitter
And serve as a designated hitter,
But probably the ones most tenable
In the mind of manager Venable
Will be those who, to be blunt,
Have an average with a crooked number in front.