I’m judged for sleeping with 75 people – a boss begged me to stop bedding colleagues, but it’s made me a better wife

TOPPING up her lipstick in the tiny toilet cubicle on a flight from London Heathrow to New York JFK Airport, Nichi Hodgson fixed her hair and straightened her skirt.

Then, opening the door of the economy toilet, she walked down the crowded aisle to her seat, a huge grin plastered on her face.

Nichi Hodgson

Nichi Hodgson has revealed why she feels no shame in having slept with 75 people[/caption]

Nichi Hodgson

“I was 26 at the time and looked like any other traveller.

“But what the other passengers didn’t know was that I’d just had sex in the toilet – and there was a man still in there, discreetly waiting to sneak out,” mum-of-one Nichi recalls. 

“He was a new lover and we were travelling for a romantic trip. It was 2011, my first Mile High experience, and we both loved the naughtiness of it.

“When I opened the door afterwards, two passengers sitting near the toilets gave me shocked looks and a third smirked at me. My loo liaison had not been as quiet as I had thought.

“The economy toilets were tiny. Sex in such a small space had to be fast and furious, requiring flexibility.”

The encounter took Nichi’s sex count to 45 and since then it’s risen to more than 75 – although she stopped after meeting entrepreneur husband Ferdie, 50, on dating site happn in July 2017 and marrying him at Marylebone Registry Office in Central London in November 2020.

My boss called me one day and begged me to stop sleeping with my colleagues

Nichi Hodgson

Nichi’s eye-watering number – which also includes romps in a shared office space and with men with 10inch members – is 72 more than the average Brit’s figure of three, according to a 2023 YouGov survey. 

Still pro-sex – she plans to tell daughter Jane*, 22 months, about  owning her on sexuality when she’s old enough – Nichi opted to speak out and reveal why her high sex count has made her a better wife and mother.

Nichi says: “I can almost feel the judgement people are making reading this.

“They’re horrified, convinced I am trying to tie up my sex partner count in a bow of acceptability.

“Some women rationalise that I am trying to negate my active love life by cloaking myself in a shroud of so-called sexual empowerment to justify my bedroom tally.”

Instead Nichi argues her sexual history has allowed her to learn which relationships and type of partner are toxic.

She says she embraces her past without a sense of shame, and marriage is just a new chapter of her life.

“I know having a range of terrible relationships enabled me to identify a good man when I met him ,” she says.

“I could have settled earlier with someone who didn’t respect me. I would have ended up miserable, unhappy and full of shame or regret.

“I have seen so many people’s marriages end in divorce. I was determined to try to be different.

“Rather than trying to ‘change’ men in relationships I saw the red flags fast and fled.

“I chose the road less travelled. I slept with more than 75 people to learn what I needed in and out of the bedroom.

“It’s enabled me to have the confidence to be the wife and mother I am today.

“I didn’t set out to have so many partners or so much sex. It wasn’t a mission I set myself. 

“It was the result of me maturing and finally learning what I needed and wanted.

“I wasn’t doing it out of curiosity. I didn’t want to settle for second best like so many people often do.

“To find ‘my definition of Mr Perfect’ I had to learn who was right for me, not just in bed but in a long-term committed relationship.

“I didn’t want to be wondering ‘what if?’ I needed to know what I wanted and how to trust myself in finding my Mr Perfect. That’s what I learnt from my sex tally.”

I slept with more than 75 people to learn what I needed in and out of the bedroom

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Nichi says when many women say ‘I do’ there is also a sense of ‘What if?’

“I didn’t have that when I married Ferdie,” she says. “I knew I had tried the grass on all sides of the fence, and it wasn’t greener.

“We all go into marriage with some delusions or sometimes fairytale expectation of our partners. 

“Feeling that certain meant I was confident I was ready to marry and confident I was ready to be a mother. 

“When you have that level of certainty it means you can give those roles your full attention. 

“I know what I want, how to ask for it and I know I am ready for the maturity of motherhood and marriage.

“Some people get that by sleeping with three men. I needed to sleep with 75 people to discover myself but also the wrong type of person for me.

“I knew my husband was perfect for me. I was ready to marry and to be a mum that was the result of my personal and sexual evolution.”

She told how Ferdie has only dated around 20 women – but has no qualms about her much higher number. 

Meanwhile, Nichi has also slept with those boasting 3inch penises, women and men in their 50s when she was in her 20s. 

She was below the age of consent at just 15 when she lost her virginity with her school boyfriend, who was the same age.

She stayed with him until heading to York University to study English Literature at 18 where they decided to part.

And freshers’ week – where new students meet each other – opened her eyes up to a whole new world.

Nichi Hodgson

Nichi is now in a long and committed relationship[/caption]

“During the first week of uni I slept with four men,” she says. “It was a wild time. Some of my friends were shocked but others were doing the same thing as me.

“It started a pattern of one-night stands, but I always enjoyed it.

“I saw it as a learning curve as I tried to work out whether I was pleasing myself or pleasing them.

“I refused to be s***-shamed. I was a woman who was defining her own sexual freedom.

“I wouldn’t be judged on how many men I slept with or how many one night stands I had.

“I always used condoms and had STI checks every few months. I was wild but sensible.”

Nichi didn’t just have one night stands during university. She also had flings lasting a few months and a few longer term boyfriends. 

“In retrospect I think I was looking for ‘The One’,” she says. “I wanted to find a man who would meet my needs and accept me as I was.

“Instead I was choosing men who I needed to please and who never pleased me.

“Plus everyone seemed to be hooking up with everyone else, so it was normalised. It didn’t seem a big deal.”

In September 2006 Nichi left university and moved from North Yorks to Acton, West London.

“I had a boyfriend and believed I was happy but it wasn’t to last,” she says. “We had our own definitions of what love entailed.

“There was pressure on us to settle down. I suddenly became single at 24, as many of my friends were actually settling down.”

“Getting a job in an office, to say I was ‘causing havoc’ was an understatement,” she says. “My boss called me one day and begged me to stop sleeping with my colleagues. I’d apparently left one man heartbroken and another feeling rejected.

Sex with a woman was different, more intimate and more intense

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“I was enjoying myself. I loved the attention. I didn’t feel any guilt because we were all adults. I was just being me.

“It had been an ‘experience’ juggling two work colleagues in the office and bedroom, but it didn’t make for a positive working environment.”

Nichi – who confessed to having sex in ‘shared office space‘ – left that job soon after and went to something more appropriate. 

“Given my sexual appetite I took a job that seemed logical – writing for the Erotic Review, a high end sex magazine in 2009,” she says. “By that point my sex tally was up to 25.”

There were times I felt neglected and out of control but sexual risks never worried me

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Writing about sex opened Nichi’s eyes to things many people never hear about including BDSM, orgies, fetishes and fantasies.

“I felt if I was going to report these stories I should be informed  by attending the functions,” she says. “The Erotic Review never demanded it.

“My mates had lots of questions about my job. I got to meet artists, poets and celebrities who all guest wrote for the publication.

“I’d always wondered about sex with other women and would see them in the supermarket or on the tube and think ‘wow, you’re pretty’.

“So, in May 2011, I bit the bullet and put an ad on Gumtree looking for another girl who was equally curious.

“It was before Tinder. It was how many people found dates and didn’t feel particularly unsafe.

“The ad said I was a ‘straight woman eager to experience a relationship with a woman’ in the section ‘Women Meeting Women’.”

Most days I told myself I was loving it but other days I’d feel lost and some days I’d just burst into tears

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In May 2011 she met a woman for drinks. “I was so nervous but as soon as we started talking, conversation flowed,” she says. “I was upfront about my sexual experiences and wanting to experiment with sex with other women.

“When the night came to a close we then went back to her place and had sex.

“It blew my mind. A woman’s touch was different, more sensitive and understanding of another woman’s needs. I realised I had more to learn.

“Compared to a man, sex with a woman was different, more intimate and more intense.

“It gave me explosive and more intense orgasms coming from a place I didn’t know existed.

“That year, 2011, I knew I was bisexual, and I embarked on two long-term relationships with women.”

Nichi Hodgson

Nichi on her wedding day[/caption]

But she says her female partnerships didn’t last.

“Living with a female partner is more intense on all levels and more emotionally charged,” she says. “I felt more like the man in the relationship.

“Two women in a relationship often get jealous more and share the same intense anger over the same things.

“In 2014 after two years my long-term girlfriend and I parted ways.

“I was emotionally drained and realised I could not manage the intensity I needed to maintain that love.

“I wanted the intensity of female sex but something more and began a search to find the man that could provide it.

“I knew then a pattern was emerging. I’d experiment and be single and try multiple partners and then go ‘long-term’ for a while before a break-up.

“My response to a breakup was to date like a scud missile.

“In 2014 I signed up to five dating apps. Over the next two years I would swipe right on a likely candidate, chat for a week, go on a date and hook up and see what occurred.

“I knew the men were doing the same with me, but I was searching for something I could not quite explain. I slept with more than 50 people during this time. 

“There were times I felt neglected and unsatisfied. I worried about break-ups and heartache.

I vowed to do things differently. We did not sleep together until the fifth date – a record for me

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“I only dated men my age or older. I’d always fancied older men and in my late 20s, I thought nothing about having sex with a 50-year-old.

“I knew some men fancied me because I was blonde and petite.

“However, they were more fascinated that I was open about sex. I wasn’t arrogant about it. I knew that appealed to many types of men.

“Most days I told myself I was loving it but other days I’d feel lost and some days I’d just burst into tears.

“Many men I dated thought only about themselves.

“They liked to look good and often were not worried about my feelings.

“I was choosing the wrong men but determined to continue my searching.

“The search had an emotional cost. There were times I felt terrible and like a failure because I still haven’t found someone who was the right fit for me. I worried I may never find ‘Mr Right’.”

She had little concern as to the men involved, explaining they came in “all shapes and sizes”.

“I had sex indoors, outdoors, on aeroplanes, in cars, bedrooms, kitchens and bathrooms,” she says. “I had sex with men who had three inch willies and 10inch members. I managed both. 

“I realised sex wasn’t about a man’s penis size. It was about his touch and his understanding of the female form. In my head I knew what type of sex I liked and didn’t like.

“Some of my friends worried about my wild encounters.

“I would date someone for a year and after a break-up go on a dating spree.

“It was my way of coping with heartache. I soon realised sex was one of the balms I used to ease my broken heart. 

I knew the person to avoid and the personality traits that would flag a selfish lover

Nichi Hodgson

“I knew the person to avoid and the personality traits that would flag a selfish lover.

“I didn’t want a man who focused only on his orgasms or who wasn’t interested in my needs.

“I learnt to avoid love bombers because they usually turned into control freaks.

“By the end of 2014 I was still single but in a cyclical pattern of crazy sex, long-term relationship, break-ups and dating which of course involved sex.”

In 2015 she thought she found ‘Mr Right’ – John* – even moving to LA for him.

But the relationship failed and following the death of her dad, 67, from a heart attack, a few months later she became clinically depressed.

“I fell and fell hard,” she says. “I had a psychotic break and was sectioned.

“I was taken to Logan Hospital, in Queensland, Australia, where my family was living at the time, and had single episode psychosis.

“I needed the help, and I needed the quiet, the peace and the chance to understand why I was like I was. I was not ashamed of my life, but I was overwhelmed.

“There, I realised I was using relationships and the sex which came with it, as a plaster.”

She remained sectioned for six weeks and embarked on therapy which continues to this day.

That’s when she met Ferdie. 

“He asked me out and I knew he was different from my usual app hook up,” she says. “He had real manners, he was a gentleman, worldly wise and challenging.

“I vowed to do things differently. We did not sleep together until the fifth date – a record for me.

“The love I craved he offered, and I knew then I’d learnt from my past. He proposed in January 2018 on the Inca Trail in Peru.

“He knew all about my ‘active’ dating history and accepted me for it.

“Our daughter was born in February 2023 in University College Hospital, London, weighing 7lb following a C-section.

“She’s 22 months now and perfect. I will tell my daughter about my colourful life when she’s older.

“I will tell her to be careful and most importantly explain to her  about how to be emotionally safe in relationships.

“Just like having  STI checks every six weeks and using contraception is important, it’s equally important to maintain strong personal boundaries and be clear about them.

“But I will tell her to embrace her sexuality and never be ashamed. It’s found me the love I wanted.

“I have matured and learnt much about life and myself. It’s given me  the security I love in my life and the confidence to share my story with others.”

Additional reporting: Alley Einstein

Nichi Hodgson