What your favourite sex position REALLY says about your relationship and the important move you must make if it’s doggy
PLANNING to get frisky this Valentine’s Day? Well, the position you choose can say a lot about your relationship.
Whether your go-to is a comfortable missionary or the risky sprinkler, a sex therapist has revealed the way you tangle up together can be a reveal if your relationship is doomed.
Barbara Santini, a UK-based sexpert at peachesandscreams.co.uk, explains: “The way couples connect in intimacy speaks volumes about their emotional and psychological dynamics. Sexual positions are not just about physical pleasure.
“They reveal how partners navigate trust, power, vulnerability, and emotional closeness. Understanding these preferences can offer valuable insight into the strength of a relationship and the direction in which it is evolving.”
Speaking exclusively to Fabulous, Barbara decodes what ten common sex positions say about your partnership and if it’ll last.
Missionary
Missionary is often seen as the default sex position, and while it may be common, Barbara says it points to a positive relationship.
She says: “This position often signifies a deep emotional connection. It allows for direct eye contact, synchronised breathing, and physical closeness, fostering a sense of security.
“Couples who favour this position often prioritise emotional intimacy and stability.”
But she does warn that not switching it up could signify you’re both way too complacent and timid, which could make your relationship boring and fizzle out.
She says: “To keep it engaging, I recommend trying subtle variations such as shifting angles, adjusting pacing, or incorporating sensual elements like whispering affirmations or prolonged eye contact.”
Doggy Style
This position is a favourite for many, it’s passionate and goes deep for intense stimulation.
However, the sex expert says the lack of eye contact and face-to-face intimacy can be revealing to how well your relationship is going.
While some use doggy style to fully embrace uninhibited passion, others may use it as they aren’t emotionally connected to each other.
Barbara adds: “If one partner prefers this position overwhelmingly, it may indicate a subconscious reluctance to engage in deeper emotional connection.
“In this case, physical dominance is only used as a shield from vulnerability.”
To ensure you stay connected in the bedroom, aftercare is highly important, says Barbara.
“Engaging in post-intimacy cuddling or verbal, affirmation can also help reinforce connection,” she explains.
69-er
The 69 is a position where both of you have to give while taking at the same time.
This can reflect a relationship built on fairness but can make it difficult to feel pleasure as you’re both too busy to fully enjoy it.
The sex expert explains: “This mirrors a relationship where there is pressure to constantly perform rather than simply be present in the moment.”
Switch it up by taking it in turns and being present in the moment.
Cowgirl
A symbol of power and dominance, the cowgirl is often reserved for women wanting to show their assertiveness.
While it can show a couple where both embrace female empowerment, Barbara notes that it can be a role that signifies an emotional imbalance in the relationship.
“Where one partner always assumes control in decision-making or intimacy, potentially leaving the other feeling passive or disengaged,” she warns
Make sure you take it in turns to dominate or use guided movements so you both feel involved.
Spooning
Barbara says: “This position offers deep physical and emotional connection but at a slower, more nurturing pace.
“It is common among couples who prioritise tenderness, trust, and mutual care.”
However, if you find yourself on your side in the bedroom all the time, it can suggest that your partner is anxious about exposing too much of themselves to you.
Even switching up where you have sex, like on a fluffy rug on the floor, can make a difference in getting your partner to open up, says Barbara.
The Seashell
The Seashell is quite clearly a rather exposing position to find yourself in.
It also offers deep penetration and signals that you and your other half have a lot of trust in each other.
But if your partner isn’t down for trying it out no matter how much you beg, it could be a red flag.
“It may point to discomfort with being emotionally or physically open. This suggests underlying insecurities or the need for greater reassurance in the relationship,” says the sex expert.
Table Top
The Table Top position is not for the faint-hearted and requires lots of physical energy.
Couples who favour it are driven by excitement and keeping things fresh.
But Barbara says it can be a warning sign you prefer external excitement to deep intimacy.
She explains: “However, if a couple consistently relies on it, there may be an underlying fear of routine, where intimacy must always feel novel to remain fulfilling.”
The Lazy Man
The Lazy Man is the perfect position for when you both want to be close without putting much effort in.
While it does signal you’re both intimately connected, it can suggest a lack of effort from both sides and could cause issues in the long run.
The sex expert says: “Just as in relationships, passion and spontaneity must be nurtured, and an overreliance on ease may signal emotional complacency.”
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The Sprinkler
The Sprinkler sex position is not one many people use frequently as it can be difficult to master.
But its creative nature shows that a couple is comfortable exploring together and having humour in the bedroom.
It can suggest you’re both open to exploring boundaries and communication or that you hate vulnerability.
“Humour can sometimes be a deflection mechanism. If playfulness dominates the dynamic, it may be worth considering whether it serves as a way to avoid confronting emotional depth and vulnerability,” adds Barbara.