Dear Abby: Is it rude for my husband to order dessert as his first course?

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a terrible habit. He loves to order dessert first and asks that it be served to him at the start of his meal.

Last night, we were at a birthday party with 15 adults in a restaurant and he did it again. They served a wonderful cake for dessert, which he enjoyed at the end of the meal, as well as his pie at the beginning when no one else was having anything but drinks.

He says it wasn’t rude, but I disagree. Please, what say you?

— BACKWARDS IN IOWA

DEAR BACKWARDS: This may be less a question of whether your husband is rude for indulging his yen for sugar than is it healthy for him.

How’s his weight? His blood sugar levels? Any diabetes in the family? What does his doctor think about it?

While ordering dessert before dinner and again afterward is unusual, I’m not sure it is rude. It may, however, be a bid for attention.

DEAR ABBY: I have started seeing someone I’ve known for years. On our first date, he told me he had tried multiple times to divorce his ex of many years.

He said they live in different states, and each time he’s tried, something has gone awry.

I’m about to start nursing school, and what I want is a relationship of convenience to work around my schedule. We’ve talked about dating each other exclusively, but we agreed it won’t lead to marriage because he’s on his third and currently doesn’t have the funds to hire a lawyer to get out of it.

I’m seeing him as a friend with benefits to hang out with. Is this relationship OK?

— CHALLENGED IN UTAH

DEAR CHALLENGED: You seem pretty clear about the casualness of this relationship. If it’s OK with you, OK with him and OK with wife No. 3, then it’s OK with me. OK?

DEAR ABBY: I live with a wonderful partner. We share the duties of building a beautiful life around us. However, our mutual friends seem to praise my partner, but not me.

I wonder if this may be my fault. I always say good things about him, while I discover many negative issues have been raised about me.

Once, when I confronted him about it, the response was: “Aren’t you talking about me with other people?” I have never said a bad thing about him to anyone.

Am I creating a circle of hate around myself?

— CIRCLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CIRCLED: No, you are not. If your partner has a complaint about you, he should discuss it with you rather than the people with whom you socialize.

The expression “circle of hate” seems extreme, but your “wonderful” partner painting you in a negative light hardly enhances your image, and it should be stopped. That won’t happen until you finally draw the line and make clear that what he’s been doing is unacceptable.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.