When I discovered my husband’s porn problem, you helped us work through it

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN I discovered that my husband was watching lots of porn and – worse – talking to women on sex sites, I was in despair.

One woman resembled a younger, slimmer version of me, which really dented my confidence. 

I’m 40 and he’s 42. We’ve been married for 14 years.

After I learned what he’d been up to, he said he’d stop, but I felt I couldn’t trust him anymore. 

You told me porn is designed to trap men into watching more and more content, and that it wasn’t easy to stop watching. 

I learned excessive viewing could affect men’s ability to perform with their partners – which explained why our sex life had gone off the boil. I’d been blaming my weight gain.

You sent me your support pack, Upset By Pornography.

And you suggested that I tell him honestly how I felt, and asked if we’d consider relationship counselling. 

Things have improved. I managed to get my husband to open up, and he apologised for hurting me, saying he still loved me and found me attractive.

He’s deleted the porn and sex sites from his computer. 

We’ve been working on communicating better.

Thank you, Deidre.

DEIDRE SAYS: It sounds like you’ve turned a corner. Good communication really is the key.