I'm A Relationship Expert – Here's How To Set Boundaries For Your In-Law Christmas Visits

Let’s face it - meeting your partner’s parents for the first time is a huge deal. Add the pressure of the holiday season, and it can feel so daunting, you might just need a Christmas miracle! But don’t worry, with a little preparation, you’ll feel ready to navigate the big day with confidence.

When meeting the parents, the aim is simple: to win their approval and avoid causing offence. However, it’s also important to set healthy boundaries and take care of yourself by keeping stress to a minimum so that you enjoy the holidays.

Preparation is Key

Although this doesn’t sound sexy, approach this meeting as if you’re preparing for a job interview. Do your research and ask your partner about their parents; what do they like? What do they dislike? Are there any topics to avoid?

Prepare yourself by anticipating the most unnerving questions they could possibly ask and prepare a response.

For example:

“When are you planning on having kids?”

“Who did you vote for?”

“Are you sure you want another cookie? Don’t you count calories?”

Instead of freezing up or blurting out a response in shock or irritation, be ready with a thoughtful reply. Being prepared will help you respond with grace and poise, no matter which questions come your way.

Master the Art of Deflection

When it comes to personal or inappropriate questions, deflection can be a great strategy! The key is to bounce the question back to the other person with a polite and friendly tone.

For example:

Q: “Who did you vote for?”
A: “Oh, that’s such an important topic! What are your thoughts on the election?”

Q: “So, when are you planning on having kids?”
A: “Great question, thanks for asking! At what age did you have your first child?”

Most people love talking about themselves, so a quick redirection often shifts the focus away from you without them even noticing.

Make an Effort

Family gatherings are a hotspot for judgements, and since these people don’t know you yet, all they have to judge you on is your behaviour. Thoughtful gestures will help you make a good impression from the start.

Don’t show up empty handed - bring a gift, even something small like wine or flowers will go a long way in showing you care.

By offering to help, you’ll demonstrate that you are a team player who is willing to contribute. Lend a hand in setting the table, pouring drinks, or get involved in the kitchen. Even if you think having 12 people in the kitchen is counterproductive, play the part and be that 12th person!

Secret Signals

This is something every couple should have in their toolkit. Create a subtle signal with your partner to communicate when you need help. A quick hand squeeze, specific word, or a raised eyebrow, could indicate:

“Please step in and redirect this conversation.”

Or

“I’m ready to leave now!”

Having this backup plan ensures you’re not left feeling stranded in awkward moments.

Take a Deep Breath and Smile!

Above all, remember that although first impressions matter, so does being yourself. People can sense when you are tense and trying too hard, so relax and don’t overthink it!

Meeting the parents for the first time doesn’t have to be overwhelming. As long as you prepare yourself and communicate with your partner, this can be a positive and bonding experience for all.