I Lost My Son in the Sandy Hook Shooting 12 Years Ago Today — & Here's What I Need You to Know

Exactly 12 years ago, on December 14, 2012, the lives of 20 first-graders and six educators were taken at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, Connecticut: an unimaginable tragedy which left me in grief that will never truly heal. To honor my son Dylan, the other loved ones killed on that tragic day, and all victims of gun violence, I’ve made it my life’s mission to turn my heartbreak into action. As a parent, you never think it could be you.

By helping to found Sandy Hook Promise — the only national organization dedicated to protecting children from gun violence — it is my goal to make sure no other parent must go through what I have.

Sadly, gun violence remains the leading cause of death for children and teens under 18 in the United States. While we have hope that this deadly trend will reverse, we know there is still much to do. And it starts in the home.

As a parent or trusted adult, our role is to do everything we can to protect our children from obvious dangers and harm. And with the advancement of AI, social media, and bad actors pushing harmful marketing schemes, it’s even more vital for us to stay involved, actively establish boundaries, and communicate openly with our children than ever before.

Here is how you can help protect youth.

Take an active role by having the tough conversations about firearms and gun violence.

It can be difficult to approach your child with a sensitive topic. However, as a trusted adult, you are critical to the health, development, and emotional stability of the children in your life, whether you’re a parent, grandparent, teacher, faith leader, or guardian. In this role, you have more power to do good than you may think. You can make a proactive effort to talk to your child about the public health epidemic that is gun violence.

As we continue to see more and more evidence on the massive impact that social media has on young brains, we can and must do more to limit harmful impact. The prefrontal cortex that rules impulse control, personality, social behavior, and decision-making doesn’t even finish developing until a person is in their mid-20s.  This means children are especially susceptible to certain marketing messages given their brain development. As a parent or guardian, understand what social media apps your children are using, talk about how influencer marketing works, and how the personalities you follow on social media aren’t just sharing what they like, they are getting paid to convince you to buy something. Follow your children’s accounts so you know what they’re seeing and posting.

Gun manufacturers are using social media influencers to market weapons in ways that include  aggressive messaging about power and sexuality. Inform your children about the prevalence of firearm marketing and prepare them for the information they are receiving or may receive through this harmful messaging.

You can start by explaining the history of firearms in America and distinguish the legitimate use of firearms for sports like hunting and target shooting from the use of military-style weapons, designed for use on the battlefield. Next, acknowledge that guns in movies, television, and in video games are designed to make the character who holds them seem cool and powerful. While doing this, help them be thoughtful media critics and recognize the difference between reality and entertainment — challenge them to be more aware of what they’re seeing and remind them to ask themselves whether they’re being silently manipulated.

Actively establish household rules to combat harmful marketing schemes online.

As Sandy Hook Promise uncovered in our UnTargeting Kids report, firearm manufacturers target young adults, especially males. Over the last decade, the firearm industry has strategically and intentionally targeted youth with combat-focused online marketing. These young men are targeted in online communities, using dangerous tactics to prey on them and define what it means to be a “man.” At the same time, firearm manufacturers have begun developing weapons specifically for children, including a child’s version of the AR-15 semi-automatic rifle, the weapon used to carry out the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary, as well as many others.

The perpetrators at the school shootings in Sandy Hook, Parkland, and Uvalde were exposed to and influenced by violent firearm marketing tactics. More recently, the shooter who attempted to assassinate President Trump was wearing a t-shirt with a logo for a popular gun influencer. It’s clear these influencers are dangerous, and their messages should not be reaching our youth.

To help prevent gun tragedies inspired by this manipulative marketing, there are things that parents can do to protect kids from harmful online content. Establish boundaries for how much time children can spend on their devices and decide when they can access them. Encourage children to spend more time playing sports, participating in after-school activities, and engaging in social events — all great ways to promote a healthy lifestyle, be included in community, and improve mental health.

And parents — both gun owners and non-gun owners alike — should be able to control the information their children receive about firearms. Sign our petition calling on gun manufacturers to stop targeting children with their ads. We don’t allow cigarette or alcohol marketing to youth because they aren’t old enough to buy the products. Why would firearms be any different?

Know the signs.

One of our guiding principles at Sandy Hook Promise is that gun violence is preventable if you know the signs. As trusted adults, it’s on us to recognize these signs so we help reverse the terrible trend of gun violence and other harmful acts in our schools, homes, and communities. Trusted adults should be aware of behaviors that are often linked to violence. This includes suddenly withdrawing from friends and family, extreme bullying, or retreating into social isolation. These signs should be taken seriously, as they are all warning signs of potential violence that parents and other trusted adults have a responsibility to address.

It’s important to remember that gun violence is a public health epidemic — and just like fighting any disease or virus, prevention and intervention are paramount. A public health approach to ending an epidemic includes community-based programs, awareness, research, and policies that we can all support.

Learning the warning signs; understanding the ripple effects of exposure to violence, social isolation, the importance of safely securing our legally owned firearms; and knowing when and how to get help for people who may be in crisis are important components to cultural, structural, and behavioral change. 

Reflecting on the past 12 years …

Looking back on the past 12 years, these landmark developments would not have been possible if it weren’t for one key fact: No matter what we think divides us, we all desire a future where our children feel safe and are free from the threat of gun violence. When I helped launch Sandy Hook Promise, just one month after tragedy struck my family and the lives of many others, I never thought we could achieve the impact we’ve reached today. I am so proud that we have prevented at least 16 credible planned school shootings, more than 31 million people have participated in our “Know the Signs” programs, and that at least 700 young lives have been saved from suicide.

As adults and parents, we all share a responsibility to protect children, the most precious and vulnerable gifts in our lives. Through active listening, communicating openly with our children, and knowing — and acting on — the warning signs of violence, we can all make a difference.