I was forced to marry a 30-year-old stranger at 16 – tragic act of dad murdering my sister was only way I could escape
WHEN PAYZEE MAHMOD moved to the UK at the age of just 11 after fleeing war in Iraq she thought it was to better her life.
But she soon discovered life wasn’t going to be easy when she was forced into marriage at just 16 years old.
Tragically, the only way of escaping her marriage was after she found out her sister had been murdered – by none other than their father.
Payzee, now 37, and an activist against child marriage, FGM procedures and honour killings, sat down with Alex Light and Em Clarkson sat down with on their podcast Should I Delete That?
She explained how she spent the first 11 years of her life in Iraq with her mum, dad, and sisters before moving to England for a better life after her parents fled war.
But when her older sister reported experiencing abuse from her dad to her school, she was removed from the home – Payzee claims social services did nothing to protect the rest of them from the hands of their father.
Payzee said: “The repercussions of that particular event meant the community that I’m from – the Kurdish community – really cast my family out and saw my dad as someone who couldn’t control his children.”
In a bid to rectify his integrity within the community, Payzee’s dad decided to marry off Banaz (Payzee’s older sister), at the age of 16.
Then, a few months later Payzee was married off. She explained: “We were married to complete strangers.”
She recalled how her mum sat her down and said her dad wanted her to marry a person she’d never met. Despite wanting to say no, Payzee couldn’t.
The pair ended up getting married and moving in with her sister and her husband, after just a couple of months, Payzee found herself pregnant without knowing.
She revealed she had no sex education so didn’t understand the act of intercourse would lead her to carry a child, she also didn’t know missed periods was a sign of pregnancy.
Her mum was the one who informed her of the pregnancy when she noticed her bump and it was confirmed when she went to the doctor for a test.
Payzee decided to have an abortion and then had the contraceptive implant placed in her arm to ensure it didn’t happen again.
No matter what Payzee said she was determined that she would get out of the arranged marriage and knew having a child would make it almost impossible.
Both she and her sister saw their relationships were abusive and one day, Payzee’s sister Banaz decided to leave the home and her husband for good.
It came after Banaz had met a new man, with whom she was secretly dating. The community soon found out and were horrified because she was married.
HOW YOU CAN GET HELP:
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
“They both started getting a lot of backlash, threats, people messaging them,” says Payzee who claims the police were informed but didn’t take it ‘seriously’.
Then, her sister disappeared without a trace.
Police finally decided to investigate and found that the people who were harassing her had in fact brutally murdered Banaz for leaving her marriage.
Payzee’s father, uncle, and three men from the community were arrested for the crime and jailed for life.
And while she was heartbroken, she admits it was this event that led her to get out of her own child marriage.
“I just knew there was no way I could stay in this marriage,” she added.
After the death of her sister, Payzee managed to get a divorce at the age of 18 and could finally have the freedom she wanted, but it came at a price.
She had spent the last two years of marriage trying to get her husband to hate her and leave when that didn’t work, she used the police to her advantage.
As they closed in on her sister’s killers, Payzee also asked for a panic button in her house as she was also dealing with abuse.
When her husband came home she told him it was a CCTV camera and he decided the marriage was over then.
While dealing with her divorce and her sister’s murder, Payzee said she went on a journey of destruction for 10 years.
While taking prescription medication, she was also abusing drugs and alcohol while she battled with the trauma.
Payzee is now a mum herself and has spent years campaigning for the rights of women and children.
“Only in the least five years I’ve start making better choices,” she explained
“Being a mum adds a whole new layer of how did this even happen?”