My wife and I have only had sex since once having our seven-year-old daughter

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE the birth of my seven-year-old daughter, my wife and I have only had sex once. 

I’m 40, she’s 38, and we’ve been married for ten years.

At the beginning of our relationship, we struggled to keep our hands off each other, and while I knew over time this would settle, nothing could have prepared me for an entirely sexless life.

After my daughter was born, suddenly she didn’t even want to touch me, and trying to initiate sex became an impossible task. 

Now, it’s been seven years, and I can’t remember the last time I felt remotely close to her.

The most she’ll do is cuddle, and even then she rolls over after ten minutes and goes to sleep.

I’ve tried to tell her how I feel, but every time she shrugs me off and says I’m nagging.

Being rejected over and over again has done a number on my self-esteem, and now I’m convinced that she doesn’t find me attractive anymore.

I’m desperate to regain our intimacy, but I’m worried she’ll never want to be that close to me again. 

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s completely unrealistic of your wife to expect you to deal with a complete lack of intimacy for so long without any real explanation. 

You need to find a time to sit down and work it out. Tell her how much this is getting you down, and explain how serious this is for you. 

If she’s willing to work on it, some sex and relationship counselling will help. Contact Relate (tel: 01905 28051, relate.org.uk).