I'm An ADHD Coach – Here's 5 Ways To Cope With Social Exhaustion This Festive Season
The festive period can be overwhelming for neurodivergent people, with the disruptions to routine, demands of masking, and endless social expectations. For those of us with ‘squiggly’ brains and lives, it’s easy to feel like we’re falling short – I often find myself feeling like the Grinch!
However, the festive season doesn’t have to drain you. Here’s 5 tips to help you navigate social exhaustion whilst prioritising your wellbeing:
Name it to tame it
Labels such as ADHD or autism (regardless of formal diagnosis!) can be extremely helpful to understand and accept your challenges and needs.
A complexity of spending time with people we don’t normally spend time with is masking our realities, using a huge amount of energy. Learning about experiences such as Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (intense emotional pain at real or perceived rejection) can validate your experiences, as a reminder that you are not alone.
Identifying your specific challenges around the festive period, such as sensory overload or overcommitting yourself, can enable you to plan ahead to support yourself, instead of beating yourself up about it!
Define your own ‘break’
The unwritten expectations around the festive season can be stressful, from difficult conversations and small talk, to sharing your list of 2024 achievements online, there can be an endless pressure to present ‘perfection’ externally.
Deciding what you actually want to do over the festive period instead of what you think you should be doing is key to protecting your energy.
For example, maybe you’d prefer to travel abroad, which is completely fine! It’s ultimately up to you how you spend your time, and you don’t need to conform to neuronormative expectations just because that’s what you’ve always done.
Focus on yourself instead of other people, such as eating properly, going outside, and limiting your exposure to social media. It’s not selfish to put your own oxygen mask on first!
Set boundaries
Once you understand your needs, you can set boundaries that protect your energy. For example, I once took only 2 days off from my legal job over Christmas, having a very relaxing time in the office whilst everyone else was on leave!
Boundaries could relate to anything, including time, space, people, and topics. They draw the invisible line between you and others, and only you get to decide this. As we may experience impacted self-awareness due to differences in executive functioning skills, it can be difficult to think about these in the moment, so identifying these in advance can be extremely useful.
Examples of useful boundaries for the festive season may include limits on how many social engagements you’ll accept, or setting time limits for your attendance. It can be helpful to write these down to ensure you’ll remember them!
Ask for help
It’s normal to struggle with asking for help, and trusting others after a lifetime of feeling misunderstood as a neurodivergent person. However, you now likely have information and understanding now that you didn’t have before.
Identifying your specific challenge without shaming yourself, and individuals who may be able to support with these, is key.
For example, I struggle with giving presents, seemingly always either over- or under- doing it, and being simply unable to wrap presents without becoming overwhelmed. Asking for help with this has been game-changing - they don’t see it as a big deal at all!
Talking to a trusted loved one about your neurodivergence can be very helpful to have a ‘buddy’ in situations where you may need help. For example, you could agree a non-verbal signal requesting support between you, without having to disclose this to everybody.
Ask for help in ways that feel comfortable, such as by text or email, allowing time for processing and preparation.
Be kind to yourself
If you have recently learned about your neurodivergence, it’s normal to feel anxiety around talking to others about this.
Whether it’s about your journey, receiving neurodivergent-related presents, or simply the news headlines – it can be stressful to navigate these conversations when they’re so personal, yet public. Well-intentioned comments may feel invalidating or erupt into arguments, especially given the sensory overload around the festive season.
Deciding in advance what you do and do not want to discuss, and having phrases prepared such as, ‘I don’t feel comfortable talking about this’, can be very helpful.
Ultimately, if you can, try to give yourself the gift of self-compassion. Checking in with yourself, taking breaks, and celebrating your ‘small’ wins is all part of working with your brain, instead of against it.
Remember that you deserve to enjoy the festive period, exactly as you are – not just survive it!
Leanne Maskell is the founder and director of ADHD coaching company ADHD Works, and the author of ADHD an A-Z and ADHD Works at Work.