I Tried Five Guys' Popular Not-So-Secret Menu Item. Here's My Honest Review

I don’t eat a lot of fast food. When I do, I’m usually left disappointed. So, would this be the case when I went to Five Guys to get a patty melt—a secret menu item that’s not so much a secret anymore? 

Traditionally, a patty melt is a hamburger between grilled seeded rye bread or Texas toast. It’s then laced with funky Swiss cheese and caramelized onions and usually devoid of condiments or other adornments, save for the occasional swipe of mayo. In my opinion, patty melts are a phenomenal way to enjoy burger patties—the melt is gooey, rich, toasted, crunchy, and warming. 

It’s elite diner food and a deep cut American classic. So, unsurprisingly, Five Guys’ patty melt has been a popular menu hack for years. To obtain it, you had to order a grilled cheese and then, “add a patty.” But now, it might even the best thing you can order at the fast casual chain, full stop.

However, the Five Guys version does deviate from the platonic ideal of a patty melt. That’s because there isn’t much room for variation. A grilled cheese at Five Guys features slices of American cheese between a griddled, inside-out sesame seed bun. It’s not seeded rye bread, or even Texas toast. But it’s still wonderful, buttery, and slightly crunchy. Five Guys also doesn’t have Swiss cheese, but its standard American is predictably gooey and rich. The burger joint doesn’t serve caramelized onions either, so its fry cooks quickly griddle onions on a flattop then apply them atop the burger.

While Five Guys has supposedly added the patty melt to menus nationwide, the change is rolling out slowly. At the Five Guys in downtown Detroit, I asked directly for a patty melt, and the cashier had no idea what I was talking about. Then, like a hero in the night, the woman flipping burger patties said, “Oh yeah, you want a grilled-cheese-add-a-patty?”

And so I ordered two patty melts—one without condiments the other with pickles and mayo. I added mayo to enhance the patty melt’s richness and pickles to cut through the decadence with a little salt and tang.

The plain patty melt was just fine. It was gooey, juicy, and had a great beef flavor. Because the melt featured a grilled, flattened bun, this sandwich felt a whole lot like a smashburger. Still, it tasted a tad plain. It needed something else. So I tried my second burger-sandwich.

Highly decadent and gooey, each ingredient in this sandwich melded into the next. The cheese, burger, and mayo formed a powerful trifecta of umami. The bun was so delightfully squishy and toasty, it made me giddy. The pickles were an unsung hero, too, adding much-needed saltiness and tartness. 

My takeaway: While there're a slew of toppings to add at Five Guys, most of them don’t work on a patty melt. You don’t want lettuce, tomato, green peppers, or grilled mushrooms. Add-ons like these only strip the melt from its inherent luxurious nature. Of course, you should order according to your own preferences, but I feel the patty melt is best when not treated like a traditional burger. 

Overall, I highly suggest going to Five Guys and ordering a patty melt. After all, it was so damn good I ate two. But make sure you order with mayo and pickles, which made it one of the best fast food items I’ve ever eaten. 

Although I often abhor fast food, I concede that Five Guys' patty melt is a decadence I might just order it again. You can do a whole lot worse than Five Guys. Plus, patty melts are one of America’s finest, most traditional foods. They’re worthy of celebration, wherever you can get them.

Related: I Tried the Wendy's Krabby Patty Kollab. Here's My Honest Review