I looked successful but was battling a secret addiction that meant I nearly crashed my car with my kids in the back
BREAKING her fingers, spending £150 on night outs by herself and almost crashing her car with her kids in the back are just some of Michelle Mallon moments from her secret addiction.
Whilst the mum-of-three, a 45-year-old hairdresser, from Northern Ireland looked incredibly successful from the outside, with a booming business and 19 members of staff, inside, she was battling a secret addiction that almost tore her life apart.
Michelle explained that her relationship with alcohol started off innocently enough, but what she thought was just a few bottles of wine on Fridays and Saturdays, soon became too challenging to control alone.
The mother, who has three children – Molly-Mae, 12, Charlie, 14, and Hannah, 19 – revealed all on how as she grew older and life became more complicated, she turned to alcohol for comfort.
It was at the age of 38 when she first felt the grip of loneliness after separating from her husband, when she began to experience the pull of the bottle.
A self-confessed weekend binge drinker, Michelle began to see alcohol as her escape.
When her kids were with their dad, Fridays became Michelle’s time to let loose, often ending with her necking one or two bottles of wine. But the next morning’s regret and anxiety became a vicious cycle.
Michelle tells Fabulous: “I was very driven in business, with two successful salons with 19 staff.
“But I was a consistent binge drinker and then after separating is when I started depending on alcohol more.
“A lot of my drunkenness was secret drunkenness. I drank the night before and then bounced into work as if nothing happened.
“I would have been dying of hangover but I would never, ever let it show. I had to put a show on. I was all happy go lucky, having the crack with the clients.
“I was the boss, I couldn’t portray that I was struggling in any way.
“What I did behind closed doors was my business, but then, when I came into work, I was very much a different person. The mask was on.”
When Michelle separated from her husband, she thought she had found freedom.
She recalls: “I found this new freedom of partying and it was all good at the start. And then throughout the years, I found myself becoming more dependent on alcohol to cope with life.
“I was very much a weekend binge drinker. I never drank during the week, and I always thought ‘I couldn’t have a problem because I don’t drink during the week’.
“But it was increasingly becoming every weekend and then it was becoming more.
I often went out on my own. And I would have bought drinks for everybody. I was the big shot
Michelle
“On Fridays I would leave the salon stressed out. I automatically got in my car and went to the off licence. There was no thinking about it, it was just an automatic reaction that my body just did.
“It was Friday night. I’d have no kids, I didn’t have to be a mummy. I would have to get up the next morning for work, but that wouldn’t have bothered me.
“I’d definitely have one bottle of wine, if not two, and it just became a recurring thing every single Friday night.
“By the time you drink into your second bottle, you can’t remember going to bed, because I often got blackout, by myself. That was my quiet space.”
The Price of Denial
Despite the mounting evidence that alcohol was taking a toll on her life, Michelle wasn’t ready to face the truth.
She says: “I did try over the last few years to give up alcohol and go to different courses and free courses and stuff like that, but I always just find that I would stick to it for maybe six or eight weeks, and do really well, and then I would go back to drinking.”
But every time she went back to drinking, the consequences worsened, as Michelle continues: “I was actually drinking more, so the problem was getting ramped up every time.
Do you want to give up alcohol?
IF you want to give up alcohol, Sandra Parker, the UK’s number one sober coach has shared her advice.
The founder of ‘Just the Tonic’ advises: “Focus on what you’re noticing yourself. Be honest with yourself about what you’re drinking.
“If you’ve been trying this for a while, you probably need help.
“I always advise people to try to cut down rather than just stop, because if you try to stop, it’s like you’re just ripping the alcohol out and you’re not really working out why you’re drinking.
“Get expert help.”
“More and more bad stuff happened and it was causing a lot of problems. Anything that went wrong, 90% of the time was connected to drinking.
“Being from an Irish culture, alcohol is very much accepted in our society. You can’t go out on a night out and have the crack without the drink, you know.
“I knew in my heart I wasn’t living my best life and that I was becoming dependent on alcohol.
“And every time I drank I felt like it was taking me three, four days to get over it, and it wasn’t the sick feeling, it was the anxiety and the fear and that, you know, maybe texting somebody when you were drinking or silly things, you know silly things that I just shouldn’t be doing. I did that all the time. I felt full of anxiety the next day.”
But it wasn’t just the hangovers that weighed on her. Michelle’s memory began to deteriorate too, as she confesses: “My memory got so bad. It was so scary. Throughout the week I would be very forgetful.
“I would have done everything but blame the alcohol. I’d be like ‘oh, I definitely have the menopause or brain fog or I’ve got the start of Alzheimer’s’.”
I was the black sheep in the family, because I knew I had been drinking, and that anxiety would be brewing in me
Michelle
Michelle’s alcohol-fuelled weekends became a familiar pattern, but it wasn’t without consequences. She found herself spending hundreds of pounds a week on alcohol, whether at home or on nights out.
Michelle admits: “I often went out on my own. And I would have bought drinks for everybody. I was the big shot.
“I would spend £150 on a night out. I was definitely spending over £100 a week on alcohol between drinking in the house and nights out.
“I preferred going on my own. All my friends are married with kids and all. They just never really bothered going out, and they might plan a night out with you, and then they’ll always cancel at the last minute.
“So if I was sitting in the house at 10 o’clock on Saturday night and fancied going out, I would just get dressed and go.”
The Wake-Up Call
But Michelle’s turning point came after a series of frightening incidents. One night at a Lewis Capaldi concert, she broke her finger after a drunken accident.
She admits: “This is so embarrassing. I was dancing away at a Lewis Capaldi concert and then this fella fell into me.
“My wee baby finger got caught in his jeans and just completely broke.
“I had a good few drinks in me, but I knew I could really feel the pain, so I knew there was something wrong with it.
“And then I ended up having to get surgery and everything on it, but it was completely broken in four places.
“If I hadn’t been drunk, I wouldn’t have been going mad, dancing the way I was. I’d had a good bottle and a half of wine.
“That’s horrendous for me for work. I was out of work for six weeks.
“I had staff working for me at the time. So I suppose it wasn’t too bad. But it definitely had an impact financially.”
I was like ‘f**k, I have to stop this’
Michelle
Another wake-up call came while driving her kids to a football event, when she almost fell asleep at the wheel whilst on the motorway.
Michelle explains: “I was driving the car, it was the morning after the night before, and I nearly fell asleep. I was with my kids on the motorway.
“I was veering into the side of the motorway, into the barrier.
“One of the kids screamed and woke me up. That could have been horrendous.”
It was these moments that led her to finally reach out for help, as she adds: “That was one of the times where I was like ‘f**k, I have to stop this’.”
Finding Hope: The Course That Changed Everything
Michelle’s breakthrough came after finding Sandra Parker, the UK’s number one sober coach and founder of ‘Just the Tonic’, a course that helps people break free from alcohol dependency.
Michelle recalls: “Sandra’s advertisements were coming up, and I remember clicking into it at one point, a long time before I actually did the call. I was searching for help.”
For Michelle, the course was life-changing, as she adds: “I can’t explain how easy it was. The modules are set up in a way that it doesn’t feel overwhelming.
Advice for dealing with alcohol addictions during the festive season
And if you've got a Christmas party coming up and aren't sure how to cope around booze, Sandra Parker, has revealed all.
Sandra says: “Tell people in advance. Maybe you can drive and not drink?
“If you’re newly alcohol free, and you’re feeling quite self-conscious, look and see what options they have at the bar, because what’s great now is, there’s so many places doing really good alcohol-free alternatives.
“Get a wingman or wingwoman. If you’re on a work night out and you’re worried that you’re going to get drunk and make a fool of yourself, get a colleague that you trust and ask them to look out for you, or arrange to get a taxi home together.
“Eat before you go out.”
“You don’t realise when you’re drinking that alcohol is an addictive substance. The course educates you on what alcohol is doing to your body and your brain.
“The group was also really helpful. There were other mums and business people who were busy trying to do their best, so it felt relatable.
“The course was a bit of a financial stretch for me, but that made me take it more seriously. When it’s free, you can easily switch off, but when you pay for it, you’re more invested.
“After the call with Sandra, I realised I needed to get serious and stop playing around with this. I’d been dealing with it for seven years. I had to either quit or keep struggling.
“I did 11 weeks with Sandra, including a 30-day challenge, and now I’ve moved on to the next course, which is a life coaching programme.”
A New Chapter
Now, Michelle hasn’t drunk since the end of August and has noticed huge improvements in her life.
She concludes: “Now my memory is 100%. I feel so much clearer, so much happier.
“I have absolutely no anxiety, I’m at the gym, I’m eating healthy.
“The kids are as happy as Larry. The household is happy. I’m not tiptoeing around.
“I was the wee black sheep in the family, because I knew I had been drinking, and that anxiety would be brewing in me, but I feel like I have control of my life now.
“I’m not counting the days anymore. This is my lifestyle now.
“I would highly recommend the course, it’s an investment in yourself as a person.
“It has totally changed my life and my families’.
“It’s ok to reach out and ask for help, don’t be embarrassed.”