My lazy daughter-in-law drove me out of my own house

DEAR DEIDRE: SINCE I made the decision to move out and live separately from my wife, I’ve never been happier.

Now I finally live in a clean and peaceful space, but I fear it’ll be at the cost of our relationship.

I’m 47, my wife is 45, and we’ve been married for nine years. My wife has a daughter from a previous marriage. She’s 22 and still lives at home. 

Growing up, she was messy and had a bit of an attitude problem, but over the last few years, things have got out of hand.

Now she’s a fully grown, unemployed adult that spends all her time sitting at home watching TV.

Whether she’s leaving dirty dishes all over the house, smoking inside, or refusing to contribute in any way, she takes full advantage. 

I’d spend hours cleaning up after her, and every time I’d come home and find the place completely trashed. 

No matter what I said, my wife constantly enabled her, and we’d often get into arguments that would end up with me sleeping in the spare room. 

I tried for years to keep the peace, but eventually I decided I’d had enough and moved out. 

Since then, I’ve been so much happier. While I love my wife more than anything, it’s only now I’ve realised how badly living in that house was impacting my mental health. 

We still see each other regularly, but I know she’s desperate to have me home.

DEIDRE SAYS: You laid out your boundaries, and your wife or her daughter didn’t listen. 

Everyone deserves to feel happy in their own home, and it’s clear living there is harming your mental health. 

If you want a future with your wife, then it’s clear some compromises need to be made.

Speak to her and explain how you’re feeling. Tell her that while you love her, you can’t consider moving in until your stepdaughter starts to contribute. 

My support pack, Standing Up For Yourself, will help you have this conversation.