What We Do in the Shadows Recap: The Vault

Once again, the immortal bloodsucking killing machines of Staten Island — whose powers, in case you’ve forgotten, include superstrength, mind control, and literal flying — have been felled in battle by their greatest enemy: televised sporting events. Laszlo, in particular, had the air of a teenage goth being forced to watch football with his uncles this week as Sean succumbs to a brain fever common in humans (and demons, apparently) known as “March Madness.”

At one point, the “sportsball” of it all in this week’s episode might have felt like low-hanging fruit. (I did feel that this was the case back when Sean and Charmaine were first introduced in the season-two episode “Superb Owl.”) But the culture has shifted, and the pendulum has swung, and the time has come once again to make fun of jocks. “March Madness” does this without making any cracks that are too obvious, which is a relief. Instead, it’s part of a lampooning of masculine posturing that subtly pervades this week’s episode.

The theme is evident in the Sean story line, of course. But my favorite manifestation is smaller: the bizarre exchange between office bros Jimmy and Raj (a.k.a. our old Clickhole friends Jeremy and Rajat) next to Guillermo’s desk, where they get in Guillermo’s face (literally) about the dick outline in Jimmy’s pants before wrapping their arms around each other’s waists and bragging about how they’re going to injure the shit out of each other on the basketball court later that day. (I’m paraphrasing, of course.)

Physical violence isn’t out of place in the Cannon Capital offices, which isn’t surprising given, again, the aggressively macho culture (and I’m including the women here) of finance bro-dom. Colin, who has worked in 137 offices in his multiple lives as an energy vampire, understands this intuitively, and so he gifts Guillermo with an office identity by beating the crap out of him in front of everyone at work. It’s a gesture of goodwill — gratitude, even, maybe — toward the household’s former familiar, akin to Nadja clearing the way for Guillermo’s promotion to executive assistant but arguably better played. Colin could have a real career in HR if we wanted one.

One might argue that Guillermo’s identity crisis goes beyond not having the job security of a Bobblehead Kyle or a Danny, the Office Barefoot Guy — his search for his place in the world has been the crux of the show for several seasons now. And with his new identity as The Vault (not The Tight Vault, about which I could make a dirty joke, but I will not), a true endgame for Guillermo is finally starting to emerge. He’s gaining confidence through his success at work, and in the end, his years of experience with undead vampires may merely be the stale, creaking wind beneath his wings as he soars with living ones like Jordan.

There’s a gentler kind of masculine bonding happening back home between Sean and Laszlo, as the latter once again reveals himself to be a bro’s bro through his concern with Sean’s fragile human life. Not so concerned that he won’t buy him a Jersey Mike’s footlong to eat at the hospital, of course. But cholesterol wasn’t discovered until the late 18th century, and Laszlo was preoccupied with meeting Nadja and becoming a vampire around that time, so we’ll give him a pass.

The moment when Sean soothes Laszlo’s fears of losing his best human buddy by telling him that the fear of dying just makes every living moment more special — something else a centuries-old vampire wouldn’t understand — tiptoes right up to the edge of sentimentalism. But Laszlo’s callous disregard for Sean’s comfort and safety in the rest of the episode (he wouldn’t want to mess up those fresh new gym kicks!) evens it all out.

That same lack of compassion is evident when Laszlo’s Monster begs his creator, “Please, no more cutting,” before going back to whatever unholy automatons do around the house while everyone else is at work. Similarly, Nadja isn’t left with much to do on this week’s episode besides annoying everyone at the office with her banana phone gag, which she holds onto so long that the banana turns soft and rotten. (There’s some kind of metaphor in there.) It’s for the best, however, as she’d be pissed if she found out that her husband was allowing The Guide to perform witchcraft by summoning demons in their backyard.

The real winner this week may be The Guide, who’s currently the most in-demand single (?) vampire in the New York metropolitan area. And the loser is poor Nandor, who gets swerved by both The Guide and Charmaine in this week’s episode. “Taking care” of your comrade’s wife while he recovers from battle seems to have meant something very different back in Al Qolnidar. Nowadays, it mostly means weird foot rubs and Love Island episodes while swathed in leopard-print fleece. Honestly, it could be worse. You could have your hand stuck in a sharps disposal container.

Craven Mirth

• Blaming demons for “the winter blahs” is old-school medicine indeed.

• Nadja continues to slay (no pun intended) the ’80s workwear with her Prince-purple dress with matching ruffled blouse.

• “She’s the Louise to my Thelma, if that movie was a banana comedy.”

• Is it just me, or was Matt Berry channeling Sean Connery when he said, “a real fucking shitstorm?”

• One of the MVPs of this week’s episode is the VFX department, which came through in an episode heavy on blood and fire visual effects.

• The other is vampire superstrength, which comes into play multiple times this week. A visual contrast to the weakness of mortals, perhaps?

• I honestly thought “did you talk to that guy Mike about the thing” was going to be something way shadier.

• Speaking of: The last time Laszlo heard someone say, “I can’t get it in fast enough,” was during his career in pornographic talking pictures. Eyyyyyyyy.