Navy creates Concubine rating
THE PENTAGON — Navy officials today announced the creation of a new rating, or military occupational specialty, to enable concubines to serve alongside elite Navy SEALs.
“For the last time, this is not the same as SWCC,” or naval special warfare combat crewmen, said Rear Adm. Charles W. Brown. “We are adding concubines to further amplify the alphaness and lethality of these vaunted warriors, at the very apt, coherent, and not weird suggestion of clearly the most alpha of the alphas who ever alpha-ed, Robert O’Neill.”
“The Concubine rate will be open to any and all genders - DADT is gone, and if guys like O’Neill want to do butt stuff with cucks, let them do butt stuff with cucks,” Brown added.
Navy leaders identified the hardship of having little or no access to social media during training and deployments as a critical driver necessitating the provision of SEALs.
“O’Neill’s got it right again,” Brown commented, “he knows that if there is no social media, there must be concubines. This makes total and complete sense,” he added before going on to affirm that Navy recruiting will specifically seek out the nubile college-aged men for whom O’Neill shows a clear preference.
Insignia for the new rate will feature the traditional Navy anchor festooned with some of the conventional accoutrement of a concubine and can be earned “when we fucking say they’ve earned it,” said one SEAL close to the process.
Some argue that the Navy’s move is “horrifying” and evokes the widely condemned practices of some of America’s harshest past enemies. Professor Jack Aubrey of the U.S. Naval War College commented, “This is not in keeping with our values and threatens to erode our vital moral standing.”
Convicted and pardoned war criminal, t-shirt salesman, and possible future Secretary of the Navy Eddie Gallagher sees it differently: “I think we’re way past that,” he says of Aubrey’s outlook.