I’m on the brink of telling my lover’s son the truth about our affair

DEAR DEIDRE: I’M on the brink of telling my lover’s son the truth about our relationship.

I’m sick of keeping it a secret, after six years together, even though she still lives with her husband. 

Now, I’ve started messaging other women because I’m so fed up, but I don’t want to lose her.

I’m 60 and she’s 58. We have a loving relationship, great sex and we laugh a lot.

When we first met, in a local cafe, I asked if she was married. She said ‘sort of’, meaning she wasn’t happy. 

But I’m not a marriage breaker, so I just gave her my details and said, ‘Call me when you’re ready.’

She called a week later, and we started a relationship. She told me her husband was abusive, and they hadn’t had sex for almost 20 years. 

Even though he’s horrible to her, and they argue all the time, she won’t leave him. 

It means she still won’t be seen out in public together – even though some of her friends know about us.

It means we barely see each other. She’s terrified her husband will find out. 

Yet he has had affairs too and they’re clearly not happy together.

What I want is a long-term companion, someone who I can share things with – not just a few hours a week of sex in a hotel.

I’m getting fed up and starting to think it’s time to move on. There are other women online who seem interested in meeting. 

But, I do care deeply for her, and don’t want to lose her. 

Her son – who currently lives with her and her husband – suspects she’s cheating. 

I’m tempted to contact him and tell him the truth, so things finally come to a head. 

Should I?

DEIDRE SAYS: It’s natural that after six years together, you want a full relationship.

But it’s possible she doesn’t want her husband to find out because she’s scared of him. 

Telling her son, in the hopes it will bring the situation to a head, is a dangerous move.

If he is abusive, you could put your lover at risk.

And she would likely resent your interference, pushing you apart.

Tell her how you feel. Ask her to be honest, but explain you can’t live like this much longer. 

My support pack, Your Lover Not Free, should be helpful.

Give her my support pack on Abusive Partners.

If things don’t change, it may be time to move on.