Horrific moment my bully ex pinned me to the bed & threatened to BURN me – I only stayed so he didn’t take our kids away
Shaking with fear, Kirsty Connoley braced herself for another lashing from her violent fiancé, David Barrett.
‘I’m going to make a cup of boiling water and sugar and chuck it on your face,’ he roared, before pinning the sobbing mum-of-three to the bed and calling her ‘vile’.
But what thug Barrett didn’t know was that he was being filmed by Kirsty, in a clever ploy which would eventually bring his four-year campaign of abuse to an end.
The brave 32 year old from Peterborough, Cambs., had catalogued the abuse in a secure folder on her phone which included video recordings and photos of her injuries inflicted by Barrett.
It was in September 2023 when Barrett, also from Peterborough, strangled Kirsty during another horrifying assault and she found the courage to report him to the police.
Barrett was convicted in April and Kirsty, who is sharing her story now to help other survivors of domestic violence, says: “Please, if you’re in an abusive relationship, gather evidence safely and leave while you can. You never know what these abusers are capable of.”
Kirsty met Barrett, now 40, in April 2018 on dating site, Badoo, and she says he was “perfect” at first.
“David was really loving and filled me with compliments. He made me feel so good about myself,” explains Kirsty.
“I have two sons, and he was brilliant with them too, treating them to pizza and games nights.”
By July, the pair were living together and soon, they spoke about having a child.
Kirsty says: “That September, David proposed to me in a restaurant and gave me a beautiful ring. I was so happy.”
Two months later Kirsty discovered she was pregnant.
Barrett, who worked as a gardener, went to every scan and was a huge support during and after their daughter’s birth in July 2019.
Kirsty explains: “He was such a doting dad, helping with feeds and changes.
“But the following year, he really started to change.”
Barrett lost all interest in their daughter and when he and Kirsty argued, he’d call her names like ‘fat’ and ‘s***’.
Kirsty says: “He’d suddenly switch and become abusive.
“He constantly put me down, often saying I was a terrible mother. It was awful.
“I started secretly recording every argument and saved them in a hidden folder on my phone that needed facial recognition to access.
“I’d watched crime documentaries in the past and knew it was good to gather evidence.”
I felt like his slave. I barely left the house…When I did go out to do the school run, he’d accuse me of cheating. It was ridiculous.
Kirsty Connoley
After every outburst, Barrett apologised, but he never changed.
He ordered Kirsty to have dinner on the table when he returned home from work, and to make him a cup of tea on demand.
Eventually he isolated her from her family and Kirsty recalls: “I felt like his slave. I barely left the house.
“When I did go out to do the school run, he’d accuse me of cheating. It was ridiculous.”
Barrett’s abuse escalated and by November 2021, the abuse turned physical.
“I was always covered in bruises and red marks from where he’d hurt me,” Kirsty explains.
“I knew I deserved better, but it felt easier to grin and bear it than leave.
“I didn’t want him to take my daughter away from me. He’d threatened before and I’d rather put up with his abuse than lose her.”
Spluttering for breath
Kirsty managed to record Barrett on video threatening to pour a cup of boiling water and sugar over her, an action known as ‘Prison Napalm’, which causes deep burns.
Afterwards, he pinned her down on the bed, calling her ‘vile’.
Kirsty says: “He wouldn’t get off.
“I was hysterical and threatened to call the police.”
the abuse escalated and one morning in July 2023, Barrett launched another horrific assault on Kirsty as he got ready for work.
She remembers: “I was in bed when I heard him shouting. Half asleep, I walked downstairs and out of nowhere, he grabbed my throat and strangled me.
“I spluttered for breath and honestly thought I was going to die.
“After he released his grip, I couldn’t stop coughing and raced to the toilet to throw up.
HOW YOU CAN GET HELP:
Women's Aid has this advice for victims and their families
- Always keep your phone nearby.
- Get in touch with charities for help, including the Women’s Aid live chat helpline and services such as SupportLine.
- If you are in danger, call 999.
- Familiarise yourself with the Silent Solution, reporting abuse without speaking down the phone, instead dialing “55”.
- Always keep some money on you, including change for a pay phone or bus fare.
- If you suspect your partner is about to attack you, try to go to a lower-risk area of the house – for example, where there is a way out and access to a telephone.
- Avoid the kitchen and garage, where there are likely to be knives or other weapons. Avoid rooms where you might become trapped, such as the bathroom, or where you might be shut into a cupboard or other small space.
If you are a victim of domestic abuse, SupportLine is open Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday from 6pm to 8pm on 01708 765200. The charity’s email support service is open weekdays and weekends during the crisis – messageinfo@supportline.org.uk.
Women’s Aid provides a live chat service – available weekdays from 8am-6pm and weekends 10am-6pm.
You can also call the freephone 24-hour National Domestic Abuse Helpline on 0808 2000 247.
“My neck was really red and scratched, and the pain was horrific. When he left for work, I took some photos and added them to my secret folder.”
Just days later, while Kirsty slept, Barrett poured a bottle of mouthwash over her head in another act of cruelty.
And in September that year, during another nasty row, Barrett grabbed Kirsty from behind and strangled her.
She says: “It was terrifying and I screamed for him to stop.
“When he let go, I raced inside and texted my mum to call the police.
“Enough was enough. I couldn’t put up with him anymore.”
On tenterhooks, Kirsty waited for the police to arrive and pressed record on her phone for what would be the final time.
I was really disappointed with his sentence, given everything he put me through. But I’m glad he’s out of my life and can’t hurt me again
Kirsty Connoley
In the audio, Barrett is heard saying that she wouldn’t be saved because nobody cared.
But moments later, four police officers piled into her home and arrested Barrett.
Kirsty told the police everything and showed them all the disturbing footage and recordings that she’d taken over the years.
Sickeningly, Barrett denied it all and claimed self-defence.
however, in the run up to the trial he changed his plea, admitting coercive control and two counts of intentional strangulation.
What the police said:
DC Andrew Donaldson, who investigated Barrett, said: “In one of the videos submitted as evidence in this case, Barrett threatened to pour boiling water and sugar on his partner’s face.
“Another video showed Barrett controlled the woman’s finances and, in a third recording, Barrett could be heard telling her that no-one would come and save her because nobody cared about her.
“I would like to praise the victim’s bravery and hope the sentence gives her some closure from this traumatic period in her life.
“Domestic abusers who strangle their partners to control them, or induce fear, face up to five years in prison under legislation introduced in 2022.
“This case also highlights that domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Victims can also suffer from the threat and fear of injury, daily intimidation and having every aspect of their life monitored and controlled. Coercive control is a criminal offence, and we take all reports of it very seriously.”
In April this year, he was sentenced to two years and six months in prison at Peterborough Crown Court.
Kirsty was in court, and bravely read out her victim impact statement from behind a screen.
“I felt so incredibly strong,” she recalls.
“I was really disappointed with his sentence, given everything he put me through. But I’m glad he’s out of my life and can’t hurt me again.”
Now, with Barrett behind bars, Kirsty is slowly moving on with her life and wants to warn other women.
She adds: “I’m now rebuilding my life with my children. I want other women to recognise David’s face and steer clear.
“I genuinely thought one day that vile man would kill me.”