I’m happily married but I can’t stop thinking about my college ex

DEAR DEIDRE: EVEN though I’m a happily married, when I bumped into my college ex in the pub, I realised I have never truly got over her.

She treated me terribly, destroying my self-esteem, yet all my old feelings have resurfaced and I can’t help wondering what might have been.

I’m 43, with a wife and three children. My ex is 42. We were in a relationship for three years from the age of 18 – more than two decades ago.

While we were together, she used to play mind games, and enjoyed
humiliating me.

I put up with it because I was madly in love with her.

The final straw came when she stood me up, leaving me standing outside a shop like a lemon for three hours, laughed, and then told me that I was “a pushover”.

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into her by chance. Since then, we have been messaging, and have met for coffee a couple of times. It’s made me feel so young again.

She’s married with kids, too, and much more mature but still gorgeous.

I can’t stop thinking about her but I don’t want to wreck my marriage.

DEIDRE SAYS: Perhaps you’re bored and crave excitement, or maybe
you’re just feeling nostalgic for your first love.

Either way, this sounds like an archetypal mid-life crisis.

Remind yourself that you’re “happily married” and that this woman hurt and humiliated you.

Had you stayed with her, it’s unlikely things would have worked out.

It’s best to put a stop to your meetings and put this back in the past
where it belongs before temptation strikes.

If your marriage needs a spark to ignite it, then talk to your wife about making changes. See my support pack pack Looking After Your Relationship.