My partner says our son is mine but our congratulation cards beg to differ

DEAR DEIDRE: WHEN my partner went into labour, nobody called me to say she was about to have the baby.

Now I’ve found some cards congratulating her and another man on the birth of their child.

I’m devastated as I believed the baby was mine and it’s making me wonder whether I’m really our other son’s dad either.

I’m 32 and my partner is 30. We have a six-year-old boy. 

We split two years after he was born, and she started seeing someone else. We then got back together, last year. 

She fell pregnant, and I was so happy to become a family of four.

But I was working away as a lorry driver when the baby came, and didn’t find out till the next day. It turns out it wasn’t in her hospital notes to call me. 

I was gutted to miss the birth. And even more gutted when the congratulations cards came through the letterbox – and they were addressed to my partner and another guy.

When I confronted her about this, she said some of her friends and family didn’t know she and this guy had split up and that we’d got back together. 

We had a rocky relationship the first time round, and she didn’t want to tell them as they don’t approve of me.

She assures me the baby is definitely mine. But I don’t know if I can believe her. 

He doesn’t look anything like our other son, who is fair with blue eyes – like me.

I can’t afford a paternity test, so I have no way of finding out for sure. 

This is eating me up. I’m finding it really hard to sleep or think about anything else.

DEIDRE SAYS: Not knowing whether this baby is yours must be very distressing.

But be aware that genetics are not straightforward, and it’s common for brothers not to look alike. A baby can inherit genes from previous generations, so don’t rely on appearances.

Unfortunately, only a DNA test can tell you for sure if the baby is yours.

If your partner were to claim child maintenance and you disputed parentage, then you may be able to get a DNA test. 

You can find out more from the Government website (gov.uk), which has a section on disagreements about parentage on its child maintenance page. 

If you’re not sleeping, see your GP. Ask  your GP about counselling, as it’s important to talk about your feelings.

See my support pack about this.