I want my partner to pay me for ‘emotional labour’ – people say I’m playing the ‘martyr’ but it’s only fair
RELATIONSHIPS can be complicated, especially when one person feels like the other owes them something.
One woman revealed how she thinks she is entitled to financial compensation from her partner for “emotional labour.”
In her post on Mumsnet, the unnamed user explained the reasoning behind her unusual request.
She said that she “expects” her partner to make a “financial contribution” for the “emotional labour” she puts into their relationship.
The woman detailed some examples of things she does for her partner.
“I handle all the planning, remembering birthdays, appointments, and organising holidays,” she wrote.
However, she revealed that her partner says she’s “being dramatic” when refers to these tasks as work.
She shared her plan to make him acknowledge everything she does for him.
“I think the mental load deserves recognition, and I’m considering asking for a financial contribution since he refuses to share the burden,” she said.
The unusual request sparked a reaction from other Mumsnet users in the comments section.
“You want payment for being a martyr?” asked one skeptical commenter.
“You should be working as a team, not paying each other. It seems a very odd set-up,” pointed out another person.
“I think that is all work, it all takes effort, but, no, I could not be having a situation where I was charging my partner for all the domestic work done in a relationship,” wrote a third reader.
“If you want him to pull his weight then tell him this. Sit down with him with all the stuff you and then divide it out,” suggested another Mumsnet user.
“Ultimately, I’ve always lived by the saying ‘Don’t do wife work for girlfriend wages,'” wrote one reader.
“I think asking for any kind of financial compensation for it is massively overkill and is a step to making this a very unpleasant relationship,” pointed out another person.
“So stop doing it. You don’t HAVE to do those things. You are choosing to. And if it goes unappreciated, stop doing them,” suggested one commenter.
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“Stop doing his stuff as that will be the only way he understands how much you do,” wrote another person.
However, some people agreed with the original poster that a transactional situation was the best way to go about her dilemma.
“I think when you make men put their money where their mouth is, they start realising the importance of it,” wrote one reader.
“Women are always complaining about carrying the mental load,” pointed out another person.
“Along comes a woman with a solution and everyone piles on to say ‘Oh, it’s not that bad.'”