Eight reasons it could be YOUR fault your kid is depressed – you need to chuck the clutter & use the ‘eyes closed’ tip
HAPPY children usually means happy parents but what if your parenting could be heavily dampening your kids’ moods?
Therapist and teen counsellor Emma Ledger says how you behave in situations can have a knock on effect and certain actions may even be causing your teenager to feel depressed.
While you might often blame your teen’s poor attitude on hormones, exam pressure, or relationship issues, it could actually be your parenting which is triggering.
Here, Emma reveals the eight ways your own behaviour impacts them and what you should be doing instead.
Moaning about your weight
Body image can be a sensitive subject for teens so judging your own weight – or someone else’s in front of them – can have long lasting negative effects.
Try to limit how much you mention appearance and skip any fad diets.
Parents should set a good example in how they talk about their own bodies.
They can directly impact your child’s relationship with food and their body image.
Lack of privacy
If a young person thinks they don’t have a space of their own at home it can lead to feelings of intrusion and stress.
So before you barge into your teen’s room, knock and ask their permission to enter.
You should extend this courtesy to other areas of the home of life as well.
Respect their bathroom time, and, depending on their age, make an agreement about parental controls on screens.
They don’t feel important
Are you scrolling Vinted while your teen is trying to talk to you?
You could make them think they’re unimportant, which could cause them to feel lonely, frustrated, or depressed.
Try setting boundaries with your own screen time and set aside at
least 20 minutes a day when you give your kid your full attention.
Spending quality time with your child plays a key role in understanding them and developing good communication.
Cluttered surroundings
Your surroundings play a significant role in influencing your emotions and mental health.
Different parenting techniques
Here are some widely recognised methods:
Authoritative Parenting
This technique will often foster independence, self-discipline, and high self-esteem in children.
It is often considered the most effective, this technique is where parents set clear expectations – enforcing rules – whilst also showing warmth and support.
Authoritarian Parenting
This is opposite to authoritative parenting, as it is where the parent sets high demands but is low on responsiveness.
It involves ensuring the child is obedient and often employ punitive measures. While this can lead to disciplined behaviour, it may also result in lower self-esteem and social skills in children.
Permissive Parenting
Permissive parents tend to be indulgent and lenient, often taking on a role more akin to a friend than an authority figure. They are highly responsive but lack demandingness, granting children a lot of freedom. This method can nurture creativity and a free-spirited nature but may also result in poor self-regulation and difficulties with authority.
Uninvolved Parenting
Uninvolved or neglectful parenting is marked by low responsiveness and low demands. Parents in this category offer minimal guidance, nurturing, or attention. This often leaves children feeling neglected, which can have significant negative effects on their emotional and social development.
Helicopter Parenting
Helicopter parents are extremely involved and overprotective, frequently micromanaging their children’s lives. Although their goal is to protect and support, this approach can hinder a child’s ability to develop independence and problem-solving skills.
Free-Range Parenting
Free-range parenting encourages children to explore and learn from their surroundings with minimal parental interference. This method promotes independence and resilience but requires a safe and supportive environment to be successful.
Attachment Parenting
According to Marriage.com, Attachment parenting focuses on physical closeness and emotional bonding, often through practices such as co-sleeping and baby-wearing. This approach aims to create secure attachments and emotional well-being, but demands significant time and emotional commitment from parents.
Each of these parenting techniques has its own set of strengths and weaknesses. The key is to find a balanced approach that aligns with the family’s values and meets the child’s needs for a healthy, happy upbringing.
If your home is disorganised it might be contributing to your kid’s overwhelm and stress.
Chaos can even make it difficult for your teenager to think clearly.
Give one cluttered room a DIY sort-your-life-out-style makeover to help life feel more manageable.
Non-stop shouting
Strained relationships or conflicts within a household create a tense, hostile atmosphere which negatively impacts everyone’s mental health.
If you’re raging, try to stop for a moment and close your eyes – which might sound silly but it can really help reduce the feeling.
Mindfulness techniques such as box breathing can give you back some peace.
Depending on your child’s age, you may have to wait until they’ve gone to bed for a moment of mindfulness.
Not devoting time
Often the last thing you want to do at the end of another exhausting day is have a deep and meaningful with your teen.
But in our fast-paced, digitally connected world, young people can end up isolated and lonely as they’re in need of facetime IRL.
Where to find parental support
NSPCC – Offers support for parents, from helping to get babies to sleep, bonding with your baby, managing family life, dealing with bullying and even parental mental health.
Action For Children – Offers a parenting programme “to help parents and children bond, learn, or overcome difficulties”.
Family Lives – Call free on 0808 800 2222 for emotional support, information, advice and guidance on any aspect of parenting and family life.
If they’re not a big talker try telling them what you’re finding tough or what went badly in your day, to help them to open up.
Or chat when you’re driving or walking somewhere because it can can feel easier and less intimidating for your teen.
Staying indoors
Studies show that a lack of exposure to natural light causes sleep and depressive symptoms.
It can be really hard to get your recommended dose of sunshine during winter months.
So if you’re guilty of choosing the sofa over active time, mix it up
and try suggesting to your teen that you take a walk outside together.
Even a short amount of time in the fresh air can help clear your mind.
Blurred boundaries
Is your teen going to bed so late they’re struggling to get up in time for school? Or perhaps they’re seriously struggling to tear themselves away from their screens.
Establishing healthy boundaries, such as what time to go to bed and wake up, is crucial for young people as they navigate the complexities of independence.
If there are few – or no, boundaries at home it can cause them to feel
depressed or even unsafe.
Boundaries are safeguards and while they’re different for everyone, they work best if they’re made and agreed by everyone.
Talk with your teenager about what feels comfortable for them to help establish a sense of autonomy and personal responsibility, which can also boost their mental health.