Kamala Harris’s 60 Minutes Interview, for Real

60 Minutes finally released the transcript of CBS News correspondent Bill Whitaker’s interview with Kamala Harris. Now we know why the network hesitated.

One-on-One With Kamala Harris

Whitaker: Hello, Madam Vice President. I’d like to ask you —

Harris: I grew up in a middle-class family in the Jim Crow South and like many children of slave descendants who descended from slaves —

Whitaker: Wait, Madam Vice President. The Jim Crow era lasted from 1877 to 1954. You were born in Oakland, California, in 1964.

Harris: I was?

Whitaker: Yes. According to Wikipedia. (Whitaker pauses.) How could you not know that?

Harris: (Vice Presidential candidate) Tim (Walz) told me to embellish my background to make me sound more authentic. Like, when Tim stood in front of that tank in Tiananmen Square.

Whitaker: That never happened.

Harris (musing to herself): I guess he had black hair back then.

Whitaker: Please. Let’s talk about Israel.

Harris: Do we have to? Can’t we talk about abortion? I love abortion. I’m like Oprah when it comes to abortion. You get an abortion! And you get an abortion!

Whitaker: Madam Vice President, please sit down. I must say, you have long incisors. But you agreed to this interview, and no topic was off-limits.

Harris: Couldn’t you have pulled me aside like Gayle King did with Ta-Nehisi Coates and told me ahead of time what you would ask about Israel?

Whitaker: That’s unprofessional except for when Gayle does it. My question: Has Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu been listening to you?

Harris: Well, Bill, the work that we have done has resulted in a number of movements in that region by Israel that were very much prompted by, or a result of, many things, including our advocacy for what needs to happen in the region.

Whitaker (drumming his fingers on his notepad): What?

Harris (rifling through note cards on her lap and finding one): Bill, the rich need to pay their fair share in taxes. Oopsie, wrong one. Here it is. Israel has the right to defend itself. Now, let’s talk about abortion.

Whitaker: With all due respect, that’s a trite answer.

Harris: But it’s what’s on the card.

Whitaker: Do you want Israel to defeat Hamas and Hezbollah?

Harris: Nnnnooyyyes? What do the polls in Michigan say? I know how (U.S. Rep.) Rashida Tlaib (D-Mich.) would answer, but I have to make it sound like I abhor the rape and murder of 1,200 innocent Israelis while simultaneously nodding and winking to the radical Islamic terrorists who carried out the massacre. Every vote counts.

Whitaker (sighing): Let’s talk about how you differ with President Biden. Most Americans believe inflation is too high, and that illegal immigration is out of control. Is there anything that you would do differently from the president if elected?

Harris: Not one thing.

Whitaker (after prolonged silence): Um, Madam Vice President, let me ask it a different way. Most Americans view this as a CHANGE election, and seeing that you’re the incumbent party, when it comes to inflation and immigration, is there anything you would—probably should— CHANGE if elected, because Americans want CHANGE?

Harris: Not one thing. The economy is fine. Average Americans aren’t smart enough to realize how good they have it under the Biden-Harris administration. Yes, grocery prices are up a teensy bit, but if you can somehow still afford to buy them, you must have a job, possibly two or three of them. And that’s why the unemployment rate is 4.1 percent. Meaning the employment rate is 95.5 percent. That’s a solid A. The American education system is working.

Whitaker: Oh. My. God.

Harris: But we have much more work to do, and if there’s one thing Americans do, it’s work, unless you’re unemployed. And if you’re unemployed, you get an unemployment check, which is a check you get from the government if you’re unemployed. So, there’s plenty of money for everyone.

Whitaker (blinking multiple times): The United States is more than $30 trillion in debt.

Harris: Where’d that card go? Ah, here. Bill, the rich need to pay their fair share in taxes.

Whitaker: Madam Vice President, you’ve opposed fracking; now you’re for it. You’ve supported Medicare for all; now you oppose it. You allowed millions of illegal immigrants into the country; now you want stricter immigration laws. Americans don’t know your core beliefs. What are they?

Harris (looking off-camera to her staff, raising her palms.)

Whitaker: Madam Vice President?

Harris: I, uh, well, Bill, when you talk quietly with a lot of folks in Congress, they know exactly what I’m talking about, ’cause their constituents know exactly what I’m talking about.

Whitaker: What are you talking about?

Harris: I’m not sure. Usually the teleprompter lets me know, except when it glitches. Then it’s like, awkward.

Whitaker (looking around): Is Tim Walz available?

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