My secret lover is ghosting me – I think he has someone else on the go
DEAR DEIDRE: MY secret hook-up likes to present himself as a happily married involved dad and all-round nice guy.
He used to be on national TV, but is more of a local celebrity now, though everyone still knows him.
I’ve been meeting him for sex for more than two years and have never pretended it was anything more.
I never wanted to be his official partner, I was enjoying the fun and access to the best events in our area.
He always made sure that I’d get free tickets so we could party and then go home together.
I’m a gay man of 31, he’s about to turn 40.
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I’ve known him for years and we’d always got on but I was surprised when he kissed me one night as we left a big event.
He told me he’s always known he is gay but didn’t feel he could be honest with his family, and he would never leave his children.
We normally see each other once every two or three weeks.
I feel bad for his wife. She seems like a lovely woman.
I console myself with the belief that ours was an ideal arrangement — he could maintain his image, we could have fun and I’d never threaten his marriage.
But recently, I’ve started to feel differently.
I know through mutual acquaintances that he has attended a few events without me.
He hasn’t come around for ages, isn’t reading my messages and I think he has someone else on the go.
I wasn’t expecting to feel like this but it hurts.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: Even when we start off adamant that we want to keep a liaison casual, spending time being intimate with someone can often lead to emotional attachment creeping up on us.
Now that your lover has unceremoniously frozen you out and seemingly replaced you, you are feeling emotionally bereft.
It’s always hard to get closure on any relationship when the other person won’t explain why they have cut contact.
Their lack of explanation says more about them than you.
Take care of yourself and when you are ready to start socialising get yourself out there again.
This type of affair obviously doesn’t sit well with you, so now you have a choice about the type of person you want to be.
Now you know the risks of getting involved with a married man – someone invariably gets hurt – and I’d urge you to focus on meeting someone available.
My support pack Moving On will help you.