Letter to Laura F*cking Loomer…

By Sharon Synowsky

Laura…

I started this months ago, when you posted the DISGUSTING tweet about Beau Biden (I will not repeat it here, it was just too vile, Dear Reader). But I was so angry and disgusted that my own words were meeting your vileness, and that’s just not what I wanted to express to you.

**I want to be calm and classy. Something some might say you are not. I’M not saying that, but some people are, I’ve been told. Like I said, I’m NOT saying it, but many people are. So I’ve heard. From many people.

I won’t say you look like a half-melted Cher doll. I COULD, but I won’t. No…my people tell me, “Sir! You can’t say things like Laura Loomer is a syphilitic screaming banshee from the sulfuric sub-basement from Hell!”. So, nooo, I won’t say it, I’m not gonna say it, no, no, no. I’m not going to say your plastic surgeon should lose his license for performing your surgeries while intoxicated.

You know, they ALSO say that you’re a waste of space. They’re saying, and I hear this a LOT, but anyway, they’re saying you look like you smell funky, like a mix of rotten flesh, cat pee and gas station sushi left out in the sun too long. They’re calling you ‘the human compost heap’, Abby Normal (Look over there! There’s my “Young Frankenstein” fan!), and ‘the bunny boiler’, among other things but I’m not going to say them here, no, no. In fact, I heard just the other day, someone said The Exorcist was your biography. But we’re not going to talk about that here, even though I could.**

How’s that make you feel, Laura?

Sad? Mad? I tried to use your creepy, orange-hued paramour’s cadence, his “I’m not going to say…” and his “Many people say…”, and his “My people told me, ‘Sir! You can’t say…’’ ways of trying to make insults seem like ‘non-insults’. If you reread those last 2 paragraphs hearing your creepy orange-hued paramour’s weird voice, you’ll hear it more clearly.

Neither one of you care who you hurt with your words. And your “investigative journalism” is nothing more than made up, crazy sh*t from a completely disturbed mind. Immigrants eating pets? It’s like the voices in your head compete for the vilest thing to say on any subject, and your mouth hears the worst of the worst and just goes with that.

And damn, Girl, the crazy conspiracies the voices throw out for you aren’t even original. That ‘pets’ trope was floating around before you were…spawned? I noticed that the names of your parents and 2 brothers are not on your Wikipedia page. I bet in their daily life, they deny even knowing you.

You’ve been banned from Facebook, Instagram, Medium, PayPal, Venmo, GoFundMe, Lyft Uber and Twitter (until Elmo reinstated your account because of COURSE he did). If ‘X’ and InfoWars are the only places you are permitted, and if even Marjorie Traitor Greene says you’re ‘too racist’, then you might want to rethink your life.

You are truly certifiably crazy. I’ve seen your screaming-crying-while-flailing-your-arms-and-bouncing-in-your-chair-like-a-toddler rants. I’ve seen your absolutely despicable tweets about Muslims, VP Harris, President Biden, Beau Biden, Hunter Biden, 9/11…

No other word for you but VILE – but what shows me, more than anything else, how truly grotesque you are (aside from your face) is your slavish blind devotion to Trump, who is the worst male creature walking this planet today. And believe me, there’s a lot of competition for that title, in every gender out there. (Throwing ‘woke’ shade at ya, just for snits and giggles – and because it’s like sprinkling Holy Water on a demon).

Enjoy your time in the spotlight, Laura. Because Trump is about to throw you on the trash heap where you belong. You’ve made him look like an even bigger fool than he usually does. Your usefulness to him is over.

TTFN!

In utter disgust,
Sharon

(sorry, Dear Reader, I was going to keep it classy, but when trash only recognizes trash, sometimes you gotta get dirty)

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