‘Damn, That’s Crazy,’ Announces FEMA In Statement

WASHINGTON—Gawking at the widespread destruction caused by Hurricane Helene across much of the southeastern United States, the Federal Emergency Management Agency issued a statement Monday announcing, “Damn, that’s crazy.” “So much water, dude,” said administrator Deanne Criswell, who uploaded a YouTube compilation of flooding in the Carolinas, Georgia, and Florida to the homepage of FEMA.gov as several other FEMA officials gathered around her computer, exclaiming “Oh shit!” and begging her to replay the video. “Houses shouldn’t do that. That house is like a boat now. This is like Armageddon shit, man. Wait, have you guys seen the movie Armageddon?” At press time, reports confirmed the FEMA employees had moved on to watching clips from Armageddon. 

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