Hit Man Opens Guitar Case Concealing Guitar He Going To Beat Target’s Ass With

SAN ANTONIO—Breezing past security in the guise of a musician and entering the ballroom where his target was attending a cocktail party, area hit man Don Meston reportedly opened a guitar case Friday in which he had concealed the guitar he planned to beat his victim’s ass with. “There were guards out front, but I kept a low profile and slipped right through—along with a little present for our friend,” Meston radioed to his handler, looking left and right before ducking into an out-of-the-way utility closet where he uncased the hidden Gibson Les Paul, attached a strap so he could carry it comfortably over his shoulder, and turned all the instrument’s knobs up to 10. “I’ll try to smack the shit out of the target quick and clean. Keep the car running, though, because if he puts up a fight, I may have to whale on his ass for a while before I can make my getaway.” At press time, witnesses confirmed security had subdued the contract killer after he paused in the middle of carrying out his hit to check the guitar’s tuning.

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