Ask Neha: 'Help! I Work for Myself — & I'm Already Feeling the Pressure to Volunteer for School Committees'

Dear Neha: I work for myself, and now that it’s back to school, I feel a lot of pressure to sign up for several committees, but I don’t want to resent it if I say yes. What should I do?

When my oldest started preschool, I had a newborn, so I was deep in the cocooning phase. The following year, when I felt ready to emerge, I over-committed. I was over-eager to make a good impression on the preschool gods in case they’d love my son more, and I was “available”, so I took on all the things — class parent, volunteer for the winter fair, and community outreach for the school. Unsurprisingly, I felt less-than-rosy about the commitment a few months into it, like when I was setting up the school winter fair until midnight! 

That year aside, volunteering has helped me feel sharp and in the mix. Sure, there were conflicts with other parents or negotiations with the PTA, but it kept me up-to-date on spreadsheets, email etiquette, and small talk. Many people assume that stepping away from a traditional job makes some skills disappear, but organizing events — even if it’s just for your kid’s school — takes patience and know-how. Plus, some volunteer roles need project management, bookkeeping, or calendar organization. These are all skills you can develop while taking a career break, which can give you an advantage when you decide to transition back to the paid workforce.

However, there is such a thing as overcommitment, overextending, and yes, burnout.

All too often, stay-at-home moms fall into the trap of believing they are “super moms.” They are expected to overextend on the parenting front because they’ve paused their paid work. But just the day-to-day caregiving at a variety of stages is full and physically and emotionally demanding. And for the increasing number of women with flexible work schedules, trying to exist in-between, holding onto mostly motherhood with freelance or consulting work in the fringe hours, spare time can feel scarce. We are all operating at the same number of hours in the day, so we have to pick and choose what to focus on right now and accept what we can’t. 

As with everything, you should reassess what your family needs and priorities are year over year. So, first, ask yourself if volunteering is important to you this year. If the answer is no, you’re allowed to say your plate is full right now (you don’t have to explain why) or your schedule is unpredictable so you’re hoping to help in other ways this school year. 

If your answer is yes, you don’t have to say yes to all of it. Look at the options available — most schools have a volunteer fair, or you can speak to the PTA contact. This part is essential: consider how to make these volunteer positions work for you. This means deciding what you’re optimizing for, whether you want to stay connected to the school administration, meet new parents, sharpen old skills, or explore new ones. I met a mom at this year’s fair who was a former event planner who was circling the Family Education Forum and the Spring Fair. For her, flexing her planning skills and investing in the community felt worthwhile. 

For other parents, volunteering is a way to explore new interests. Anna McKay from Parents Pivot told me a story of one of her clients, a stay-at-home mom returning to the workforce, who, in trying her hand at various volunteer positions each year, discovered by organizing the kids’ school bus route that she excelled in project management. (And yes, she added this to her resume — because non-traditional and unpaid work experiences still help shape your portfolio.)

Word to the wise: Ask parents who’ve participated before about volunteer positions that stand out. This way, you know going in if something demands a lot of email correspondence, in-person meetings, bureaucracy, or late nights. And if, like me, you still end up gluing coconuts to a paper coconut tree for a fair the next day, file it away as a data point; know that, like everything in parenting, it will pass, and it will help you choose wisely the next time.

Whether or not you are on a career pause, full-time at work out of the home, or existing in between, we all have the right to prioritize what matters most right now and choose the things that help us and our families feel healthy and whole. No questions asked.

Every Mother Works is a monthly column by Mother Untitled founder and The Power Pause author Neha Ruch that examines — and reframes — the working mom v. stay-at-home-mom dynamic.