Gladiator II trailer reveals… pretty much all of Gladiator II

It feels silly to include a spoiler warning ahead of an authorized trailer for a major studio film (that isn't even out yet!), but alas: caveat emptor. Some filmmakers have begun speaking out about the epidemic of studios compressing the entire arc of a movie into a two-minute trailer, but this is not the day that particular empire falls. Ridley Scott's Gladiator II is a 141-minute epic, but you can see most of what must be its major pillars in its latest trailer, which just dropped today.

Seriously, this video has everything. Every character gives their expositional "this is why I'm doing this" spiel. Pedro Pascal "claim[s] this city for the glory of Rome." Cool, now we know what he's all about. Paul Mescal's character, Lucius, hates Pedro Pascal's because the Roman army killed his fiancé with an arrow to the chest. You might be wondering: do we get a 10-second, first-seven-minutes-of-Up style treatment showcasing the entire progression of their relationship from engagement to death? Of course we do! Denzel Washington's Macrinus explains that he now owns Lucius, a prisoner of war, and intends to use him as his "instrument" to "clear my path to the throne." Lucius promises that he will never be Macrinus' instrument "in this life or the next." Joseph Quinn's character just wants to giggle at gladiators and wear his goofy little makeup. What else could possibly be left for the actual movie except to watch all these swords clash? 

A lot, it turns out, but don't worry: that's in the trailer too. We also get what this writer would have assumed to be a major reveal, but nope! Connie Nielsen—returning from the original film as Lucilla, the daughter of late emperor Marcus Aurelius—reveals to Lucius that Maximus, Russell Crowe's character who died at the end of Gladiator, was his real father. Nevermind the fact that that's historically inaccurate, it also doesn't make sense in the canon of these movies. Oh well! You can distract yourself by watching Mescal take on a rhinoceros, an extremely angry monkey, and a full-on naval battle from within the Colosseum.

If there's anything else to see when the movie actually premieres, you can watch it in theaters November 22.