I’m sick of my mum friend only wanting to meet at playgrounds and zoos, I’m not her babysitter and I’ve reached my limit
A CHILD-FREE woman shared her frustration over only meeting her friend at playgrounds.
While the woman explained she has no issue with her friend’s children being present, she said she has reached her limit of kid-centric activities.
In a post on Mumsnet, the woman explained that she and her best friend are both 38 and have been friends since meeting at university.
She added that her friend now has two children, aged seven and three.
“She and her kids come as a package deal, she chooses not to socialise without them,” the poster explained.
The woman explained that this was not an issue for her but revealed that the locations of the meet-ups were beginning to grate on her.
“I respect her decision and understand her kids are her top priority,” she said.
“I am also fond of her children and enjoy seeing them, the problem arises in where we meet.”
She explained that her friend is very active and “never wants to stop at home.”
Instead, the mum-of two “always wants to catch up at very child-friendly venues.”
While the Mumsnet user said they usually meet at playgrounds for their catch ups, she said they have also visited petting zoos, children’s museums, and festivals aimed at pre-schoolers.
“This means her kids are usually excitable, and easily distracted, and tend to race around a lot,” the woman continued.
“Or they need help navigating the slide or want to be pushed on the swings.
“About 80% of my time is usually spent watching or helping my friend parent her children, and only 20% is us actually catching up and having a proper conversation.”
She added that “the very rare occasions” where they meet at her friend’s house are “so much better. “
“The split is more like 50/50, I happily interact with her children for a bit but then they drift off to their toys or backyard and my friend and I chat.”
She described how tired she was of “always catching up at child-oriented venues.”
Why being the child-free friend isn’t as easy as everyone thinks
By Josie Griffiths, deputy digital Fabulous editor.
Josie Griffiths said: We get it, having kids is exhausting.
And yes, there are loads of benefits to not having them – weekend lie-ins, more disposable income, freedom to make your holidays all about you – which trust me I am aware of.
But as all your friends and family members start becoming parents, the truth is it’s not THAT easy being the one who hasn’t taken the plunge.
My girlfriends regularly tell me how their annual leaving is clogged up by parents calling first dibs on the entire summer, or fret that close mates won’t come to their wedding now they’re parents.
It’s not unfounded either, we had five friends, including one my husband was best man for before he started a family, drop out of our wedding citing sick kids and other child-related issues.
The truth is that once people have babies, life becomes all about them.
And while those babies are of course lovely and we dedicate many weekends to visiting them, there is sometimes a gnawing thought in the back of my mind, that we have become second-class citizens.
Not only are you the one constantly expected to adapt and evolve to children’s nap times and swimming lessons, but the things you care most about suddenly become “frivolous”, met with an eye roll and a “must be nice”.
As someone who really wants children myself, I hope this is a short-term pain, but if we experienced any sort of fertility issues I know this would be made 100 times harder.
I have friends who are in that position, and my heart breaks for them.
And I also have female friends who’ve decided not to have children, for very well-considered and thought out reasons, who shouldn’t ever be made to feel like their lives aren’t as important as anyone else’s.
When it comes to people who are child-free by choice, we all need to learn to celebrate their wins more – whether it’s renting their own flat on one income, getting the promotion, or taking a sabbatical to travel the world.
But there are downsides too, they’re just whispered over glasses of wine in restaurants and shared in private WhatsApp chats, instead of being plastered all over social media.
“I’ve been doing this for years, and there seems to be no end in sight, I’ve reached my limit,” she said.
Mumsnet users shared their thoughts on the situation in the comments section.
“I really don’t think you should be expected to suffer through soft play every single time,” wrote one reader.
“You’re supposed to be her friend, not her kids’ babysitter.”
“It seems a bit mean of her to be so keen to cherish her children that she can’t spare two hours every so often to see you alone,” pointed out another person.
“Kids or no kids, she shouldn’t dictate your free time,” commented a third Mumsnet user.
“I am a very dedicated mother but I meet my close friend alone and we have a proper catch up and laugh in a pub or similar.”