The cock crowed thrice as the White Sox broke their winning streak with a shutout

In an alternate universe, the South Siders won. But only in one of them. And only in extra innings

Tonight’s game had been wreathed in more collective unforeseen hope than we’ve witnessed since June, the last time the White Sox won a series on the road. Optimism was high, and there were murmurs of the South Siders evading the ever-increasing probability of breaking the all-time record for most season losses by any team.

But this is the White Sox.

The late West Coast start grows more challenging for fans to commit to in these late-season contests, as the impatient sun sets earlier with every passing day, and full darkness surrounds us before the first pitch.

Davis Martin is still searching aimlessly for his first win, and that is no reflection on his performance this season. While it’s true that he didn’t bring his best tonight, giving up three runs in five innings, the White Sox offense once again failed to deliver even a single run in support of his start.

It wasn’t for lack of trying. Nicky Lopez hit a promising leadoff single in the first, which turned out to be fruitless when he was caught stealing second. And so it went, as the White Sox would eventually end up shut out for the MLB-leading 19th time.

Meanwhile the Angels scored one run each in the third, fourth, fifth, sixth, and seventh innings. The White Sox turned six hits — no surprise, all singles — into no runs. This makes Davis Martin’s ninth start, and his ninth loss, another undeserved embarrassing stain on his record. The Angels ended up wiping the floor with the South Siders, 5-0.

A bright spot: Jake Eder made his MLB debut, pitching two innings with two hits, a walk, and a strikeout.

It hurts to watch arguably one of the most talented White Sox players just sit there while the team loses again and again. If Yoán Moncada had played today, would the South Siders have had a chance to get their fourth win in a row? Moncada was reactivated before yesterday’s game, and his “anticipated soreness” caused him to ride the bench for the second game in a row since his return. Surely it doesn’t just suck for us; one can imagine that while only being able to watch the game that he’s dedicated his entire life to, he may be imagining what he’d be doing as a profession in an alternate universe where he never became a professional athlete. For Moncada, the answer is obvious.

All of us contain multitudes, and humans aren’t one-dimensional beings. Anyone who tries to reduce people to their profession is missing the person on the inside. The same goes for the baseball players we all know and love (except one, maybe). Here are some potential alternate professions for select White Sox players if they took that other fateful fork in the road.

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Andrew Vaughn - Professional Fisherman

It wasn’t difficult to identify Vaughn’s interests immediately, and he claims in the clip above that if he was able to make the same amount of money fishing as he does playing baseball, he’d choose fishing. Check out his Instagram to see some impressive catches.

Jacob Amaya - Twitch Streamer

Jake loves video games, especially Call of Duty. With his good looks and professional status, he could probably get a hearty following if he had his own Twitch channel. Hopefully he’d be encouraged to branch away from first-person shooters, and maybe play a season of MLB: The Show.

Bryan Ramos - Restauranteur

Bryan Ramos is so damn likeable. Combining that smile with his love for McDonald’s french fries, his impressive English and relaxed interview skills (it’s harder than you think in your native language, not to mention your secondary or tertiary) would make him a great restaurant owner.

Gavin Sheets - Pastor

Gavin Sheets is ... well, he’s not forthcoming with any personality traits besides liking church. He comes across as a man with a fork in a world of soup. It’s hard to say what he’d do without baseball, but he sure does love talking about his faith.

Dominic Fletcher - Reality Show with his brother, David

Dominic is a great guy to watch, and when he’s with his brother, David, his personality seems magnified. We’d love to see more of Dominic, and hope we do, but for now, we have David solving a Rubik's cube during this interview.

Luis Robert Jr. - Influencer

Luis is active on TikTok, and people love him there. Even most people who aren’t on the social media platform have seen his TikTok dances. Keep it up, Luis.

Nicky Lopez - Stay-at-Home Husband

The husband of Sydney Lamberty could enjoy a life of leisure as a stay-at-home husband. Nicky’s wife is a graphic designer with a BA in marketing, and a focus on recruitment. We’ve all seen Nicky’s commercials for Howard Ankin law, and let’s just say that he shouldn’t quit his day job.

In this alternate timeline, he doesn’t have a day job, so he’d do better spending his days in the pool, crafting homemade pasta, taking care of the family dog, and living a life of leisure.

Chuckie Robinson - Baseball Commentator/Host

Being on camera is difficult for some (see: Nicky Lopez). For some of us who do it for a living, it’s natural, and something you either have, or you don’t. Chuckie Robinson definitely has it. His smile, his clear enthusiasm for the game, and his ability to convey emotion to the camera, while talking about a profession that gives you absolutely zero skills or training to be on camera, is at a great baseline. The footage above was a postgame interview, so it’s even less likely for him to be able to have a presence, but he pulls it off. With training, this guy could be a top commentator.

Andrew Benintendi - Costumed Disney Theme Park Character

There’s little to no information about Andrew Benintendi’s personal life or hobbies, just ... nothing. The only thing about Benny that we know is that he plays baseball, he loves baseball, and he’s a baseball player. We know he plays better in the warm temperatures. He likes tomatoes. He’s been paid an inordinate amount of money for how he’s played, and yeah, I know he’s been better over the last couple of months, and even good over the last month, but that statement remains true. So what does Benny like? Does anyone know? Is he one-dimensional?

Honorable mentions

Korey Lee sports psychologist, a career he desired in college.

Grady Sizemore stay-at-home second husband, in my house.

Jerry Reinsdorf panhandler who pretends to be poor and/or injured. He’s great a hiding cash in places around his house and asking for more.

John Schriffen literally anything besides announcing. Please. Anything. Sales? I can hook you up with a lucrative sales job, John, I swear. It’s a great opportunity. Hit me up if you’re interested.

This is the author’s penultimate game coverage of the season. There are only 10 games left in the 2024 season, including tomorrow’s series finale. In an alternate timeline, maybe the White Sox — no, you know what? No.

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Futility Watch

White Sox 2024 Record 36-116, worst 152-game start in White Sox history (13 1⁄2 games worse than the 1932 White Sox), second-worst MLB start all-time (a 1 1⁄2 games better than the 1916 A’s) and 80 games below .500
White Sox 2024 Run Differential -312, tied for 10th-worst 152-game start in MLB history
White Sox 2024 Season Record Pace 38-124 (.237)
All-Time White Sox Record (1901-2024) 9,589-9,607 (.4995)
Race to the Worst “Modern” 162-Game Record (2003 Tigers, 43-119) 5 games worse; need to finish 8-2 to end season 44-118
Race to the Worst “Modern” Record in a 162-Game Season (1962 Mets, 40-120) 3 games worse; need to finish 5-5 to end season 41-121
Race to the Most White Sox Losses (1970, 106) new record set (116 and counting)
Race to the Worst White Sox Record (1932, 52-109-1*) CLINCHED, currently 12 games worse than the 1932 team’s final record
Race to the Worst Post-1899 Record (1916 A’s, 38-124*) EVEN; need to finish season 3-7 to finish 39-123
Magic Number to Clinch Worst Post-1899 Record 9
*record adjusted to a 162-game season

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