I feel humiliated after my husband’s affair – everybody in our village knows
DEAR DEIDRE: MY whole village is laughing at me after my husband’s indiscreet affair.
This other woman works in the local convenience store, her kids go to the same school as mine and she brings her cat into the vets where I work.
There is no escape from her — it’s so painful.
There are reminders of his infidelity at every corner and I’m furious that he would do this so close to home — the selfish idiot.
I am 41 and my husband is 43. We have been together for 15 years and have two boys at primary school.
I thought we were happy together.
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But one day when I dropped a friend off after yoga, I spotted my husband’s car at a house down a remote lane.
I pulled in to watch and soon enough he came out, kissed this half-dressed woman at the door and then got in his car. She is 38 and divorced with a daughter aged eight.
She has a terrible reputation and is openly predatory with any man.
My husband denied everything but when I told him what I had seen he admitted he’d been seeing her for three months.
I asked him to leave but he refused, saying he was sorry and that I should ignore her.
Neighbours now give me knowing looks and other school mums sympathetic ones. They obviously all know what has been going on.
I want to move and get away from this situation. We are still together but I can’t stand to be near him. I feel trapped.
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: You have every right to feel upset.
He is trying to dismiss your feelings in the hope that you and he can move on and forget what happened but if he isn’t prepared to acknowledge the damage he has done, you will never be able to rebuild the trust between you.
He has to try to make it up to you and face up to his actions. If he can’t do that your relationship may be over.
Take your time and don’t make rash decisions about moving.
An affair doesn’t have to mean the end of a marriage.
But your husband has given you every reason to feel insecure in your relationship and unless he is prepared to rebuild the trust, going your separate ways may be the best answer.
My support pack Cheating – Can You Get Over It? will help, as can Tavistock Relationships (0207 380 1960 tavistockrelationships.org).