Criterion is taking their closet, er, van, on the road

Two weeks ago, film Twitter had a bit of a meltdown in response to a viral image of the Criterion logo emblazoned on a white van. People began to speculate: Had those cinematic treasures really just been inside of a random truck this whole time? Did Winona Ryder have to get in the van to make her recent Criterion Closet Picks? Did Carol Kane? Could someone… um… could someone steal it? 

The answer is: yes and no. No, the famed Criterion Closet that the actors and directors get to visit is not in a truck. Yes, it's a real closet with four walls and no wheels. No, you'll probably never get to visit that closet, but that's not all. Yes, the truck is very real; yes, it contains "more than 1,500 definitive editions of the most important classic and contemporary films from around the world"; and yes, it's coming to a city near you.

With the help of Bill Hader, Criterion announced today that to celebrate its 40th anniversary, it's putting the closet on wheels for the perusing pleasure of cinephiles around the country. Starting at the New York Film Festival on September 28-29 and October 5-6, viewers like you will have the chance to shop the closet and receive a free signature Polaroid shot and Criterion tote bag to boot. The grand tour coincides with the release of CC40, Criterion's Library of Alexandria-esque forty-film box set, featuring "an eclectic mix of classic and contemporary films presented with all their special features and essays in a deluxe clothbound, slipcased edition." Drool. Future mobile closet locations will soon be announced.

This whole thing is both a blessing and a curse for film fans. On one hand, you now get to prove once and for all that you actually would have made better choices than the director of the moment if you had been given access to the closet. On the other, you now have to prove that you would make good choices if given access to the closet. If that prospect doesn't strike real fear into the heart of a cinephile, they may not be ready to open the door.