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After That Debate, We Can Hold Off on Giving the American People the Nuclear Codes

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In June, following the disastrous debate between Joe Biden and Donald Trump, I wrote that the American people deserve the nuclear codes, and maybe in November, we can just vote on whether or not to use them on ourselves. But, Tuesday night's presidential debate between Kamala Harris and Trump was...definitely not June's debate. Thank god. So maybe we can hold off on the nuclear code idea...at least for now.

Because this debate had everything: Trump refusing to say he lost the 2020 election, Trump refusing to say he'd veto a national abortion ban, Trump screaming about Russia during a question about fracking, a couple of fact-checking moderators who were forced to clarify that babies are not being executed, and at least one candidate who was under the age of 75. Trump ultimately took every piece of bait that Harris threw at him and twisted himself into an angry, yelling maniac who sounded like a racist 4chan thread come to life. He was on the defensive for most of the debate, cycled through a bunch of his tried-and-true lies, and eventually shouted white supremacist conspiracy theories—like that immigrants are eating pets in Ohio. However, he did deliver some truly breathtaking one-liners, like "I have concepts of a plan," "I have been a leader on fertilization," and "transgender operations on illegal aliens that are in prison."

Meanwhile, Harris seemed a little nervous at first but quickly found her footing, and laughed and shook her head through all of Trump's inane ramblings, mocked him for loving dictators who would "eat you for lunch," stated that Trump was "fired by 81 million people," joked about the size of his rallies, and absolutely bodied him on the abortion question.

Following the debate, Trump went into the spin room to speak with the press, which multiple news networks have pointed out is highly unusual for someone unless they think they did a poor job. He also told Fox News Wednesday morning that he probably wouldn't debate Harris again. I have no idea if this will have any effect on November's election, but, for now, I am enjoying the good vibes.

To top off the night, Taylor Swift endorsed Harris on Instagram almost immediately following the debate. Her post got over one million likes in just 13 minutes and, as of this morning, is up to 8.6 million likes. If you didn't watch the debate, that's fine, because reading all the funny tweets is honestly, pretty much the same thing. And I've gathered all the funniest ones here.