The power of habits

Habits shape our lives in ways we often don’t fully realise. Known as the father of positive thinking, Norman Vincent Peale once said, “Repetition of the same thought or physical action develops into a habit which, repeated frequently enough, becomes an automatic reflex.” Scientifically, habits are the result of repeated actions that create new neurological pathways in the brain. As these pathways are strengthened through repetition, the brain automates these actions, making them less effortful over time. What begins as a conscious decision eventually becomes an automatic response. This can be both a blessing and a curse.

Consider the simple, everyday habits many of us have: reaching for our phones upon waking or lighting a cigarette during a break. While neither a phone nor a cigarette is inherently evil, dependency on these items can slowly erode the quality of our lives. Over time, these dependencies begin to control us, rather than us controlling them.

Habits can also emerge as a response to traumatic events, often manifesting in more harmful ways. For instance, someone who has recently gone through a painful breakup may turn to alcohol as a means of escape. The real issue, however, is the emotional pain caused by the breakup, not the alcohol itself. Using alcohol to numb the pain is akin to applying a band-aid to a deep wound – it may temporarily cover the problem, but it does nothing to address the underlying issue. Addictions, born from such habits, can take over a person’s life.

This cycle of dependency creates a paradoxical situation: the very habit that the addict relies on to cope with pain becomes the source of further pain and suffering. The realisation of being trapped in an addictive cycle can cause immense anxiety, pushing the individual into a state of despair. At this point, the addiction affects every aspect of their life. Yet, many resist change, fearing the pain of confronting their issues more than the pain of living with the addiction. Healing from addiction, or breaking any entrenched habit, is undoubtedly challenging, requiring hard work and a willingness to face the underlying pain head-on.

Research suggests that breaking a habit can happen as quickly as 18 days, but this is just the beginning. Altering deeply ingrained thought patterns is difficult, especially when they’ve been entrenched over years. However, by consciously replacing negative patterns with positive ones, new, healthier habits can form. Over time, these positive behaviours can become just as automatic as the negative ones they replace.

To better understand habits, think of them as a canal. Digging a canal requires effort and intentionality, much like establishing a new habit. Once the canal is dug, water flows through it naturally, much like how a habit, once formed, runs on autopilot. Depending on how you’ve dug your canal, the habit can lead you in a positive or negative direction.

While the example of alcohol abuse illustrates a harmful pattern, not all habits are detrimental. Good habits, like making your bed every morning or washing dishes right after a meal, contribute to a sense of order and wellbeing. On the other hand, seemingly harmless habits like nail-biting or spending hours on the phone can be irritating but generally do not pose significant threats to one’s health.

However, some habits are dangerous, such as substance abuse. These habits often fall into two categories: impulsions and compulsions. Impulsions involve uncontrollable urges that can lead to harmful actions, like reckless driving or self-harm. Compulsions, on the other hand, are behaviours repeated due to an irresistible urge, such as incessantly checking one’s phone or binge-eating. While impulsions and compulsions often overlap, they are distinct in nature.

Despite the negative impact of harmful habits, there is hope. The key to overcoming these patterns lies in healing the pain that fuels them. Many people develop addictions as a way to mask pain, not because they are inherently drawn to the substance or behaviour itself, but because it provides a temporary connection or escape. This need for connection often stems from a lack of meaningful relationships or unresolved emotional issues. However, true healing comes not from escaping reality but from embracing love – love from family, friends, community, or a higher power.

Addiction, in its essence, is a state of dis-ease, a condition where one is not at ease with oneself. To cure this state, one must turn to love, which has the power to heal even the most unmanageable lives. Unfortunately, some choose to numb this discomfort with addictions, whether it be drugs, gambling, or other destructive behaviours. In doing so, they miss out on the real meaning of life and the healing power of love.

In conclusion, habits, whether positive or negative, hold immense power over our lives. By understanding how they form, acknowledging their impact, and embracing the hard work required to break harmful patterns, we can take control of our lives. With love and connection as our guiding forces, we can replace destructive habits with ones that enrich and fulfil us. The journey may be challenging, but the rewards of living a life free from the chains of harmful habits are immeasurable.