White Stripes reunite to sue Donald Trump

Seeing as the Oasis reunion got people talking about the overdue burying of hatchets by musicians that would save rock 'n' roll, it makes sense that the White Stripes would be the next to get back together. Alas, their first reunion since their 2011 breakup doesn’t include a single night at Wembley Stadium. Instead, they’ll bust out the red and white suits for court because the pair has sued Donald Trump, who keeps illegally playing “Seven Nation Army” at campaign stops. The White Stripes filed in the Southern District of New York, where Trump was recently charged with 34 felonies and was found liable for the rape of E. Jean Carroll.

Obviously, “Seven Nation Army” is a standard bearer of crowd wrangling. There isn’t a sports team in America (maybe Earth) that hasn’t relied on its hypnotic bassline to whip spectators into a frenzy. But being that Donald Trump is campaigning for president on a platform that includes deporting millions, outlawing abortion, reversing legal protections for LGBTQ+ people, and stopping the funding of the few Climate Change mitigation initiatives we have, the Stripes have decided to draw the line at “fascism.” In fact, according to his Instagram, Jack White is a “machine [that] sues fascists.” We’re not confident his paraphrasing has the power of Woody Guthrie’s original statement, but the point is well taken.

Not that the Stripes haven’t given Trump plenty of chances to knock it off. Like many artists, they have been sending this joker cease-and-desist letters since 2016, but in recent years, most have taken to just suing him. Recently Isaac Hayes’ family sued the campaign for $3 million after Trump started using “Hold On, I’m Coming.” Hayes and the White Stripes are good company. Such artists that have taken legal action against Trump this election cycle include ABBA, Aerosmith, Beyonce, Bruce Springsteen, Celine Dion, Neil Young, Johnny Marr, Rihanna, The Rolling Stones, The Village People, and A-ha, among others. If we had a healthy music industry, we'd finally have a compilation to rival Rock Against Bush Vol. 1. Come on, y'all, we're leaving money on the table here.