How to Behave, According to Morgan Spector

In polite society, as depicted on HBO’s The Gilded Age, proper etiquette is a foundational requisite for social acceptance, and petty gossip can make or break you — standards that Morgan Spector, who plays the fictional new-money robber baron George Russell, knows very well. At the Morgan Library & Museum, the actor strides toward J. P. Morgan’s desk in the titan of industry’s familiarly ornate study; it resembles the one he sits at when in character as a loving but ruthless railroad tycoon. He’s just learned that Morgan once had a secret shelf of dirty books, the type of gossip that would have sent any of the fussy socialites on the drama series into an early grave. Spector, however, is delighted. “Oh my God,” he says. “What smut was J. P. Morgan looking at?” Surrounded by illuminated manuscripts and a Gutenberg Bible, Spector explains how he navigates present-day New York — and his tips are just as savvy as his character’s.

Go-to dinner-party recipe: Sam Sifton’s chicken Provençal.

I often find myself getting pinned down in the kitchen, so I’m just cooking the entire time and not socializing. In my own dinner-party game, this is a flaw. I am an avid home cook. I rely heavily on the New York Times “Cooking” app, as I’m sure many other people do.

Best after-work watering hole: Attaboy.

On the play where I met my wife, Rebecca Hall, we used to go to this bar on the Lower East Side called Attaboy, and we would just get incredibly drunk there. I have very happy memories of that place.

Not-so-guilty pleasure: Reality TV.

They’ve been following the people on Vanderpump Rules for ten years! This is an incredible document of human life. I’m very late to this party, but why is it considered trash? I think some things that we consider garbage are actually more revealing of who we really are than we like to admit. Love Island (U.K.), that’s my jam.

No. 1 key to understanding strangers: Gossip.

If someone has a juicy tidbit, what’s better? Talking about other people is one of life’s great pleasures. I think gossip is underrated. It usually gives you an atypical insight into someone else’s life, into how they live, into their character. It’s not just the scandal or the surprise; it’s also that you go, Oh, that’s who they are, and then you get to unpack that — at length, ideally.

Preferred taboo conversation topic: Politics.

I don’t feel like it’s my role to speak about everything. But it was important, and it remains important, to speak out about Palestine. Especially in the immediate aftermath of October 7, it was like you were not allowed to in our business. The U.S. is supplying these arms; they could stop this thing at any time.

Top social-media-survival strategy: Delete Instagram.

I have this thought very often that I’m dying of internet and then I want to throw my phone away. I lurk on X. I follow mostly journalists and get information that way. I try to delete Instagram from my phone. People come and flame my comments sometimes, and I just think it’s a losing battle to engage. I don’t get in fights on Instagram.

Best husband tip: Be a wife guy.

I see my job as a partner to facilitate my wife — fictional or otherwise — being the version of themself that they want to be, being the most themself that they can possibly be. Whatever their ambitions for themself, whatever their ideals of their own growth, to help foster that. I’m sure I don’t always live up to that, but that’s the aspiration.

Best parenthood pointer: Stay present.

I do really try to be present with my child, and there’s something about the way that a 6-year-old person is in the world and in the moment that makes that easier. We had a home birth; I actually literally got to see the moment that my daughter was born, and she was strikingly herself. My obligation as a parent is to let her become herself without distorting her too much with my own nonsense. Because I want her to be unburdened by what has been, but that’s impossible.

Best piece of fashion advice: Find a good tailor.

I really like craft. When selecting something with a stylist for an event, I want it to feel tailored, structured, and really considered. I like to feel the clothes. If something feels synthetic to me, I don’t like that. I like natural fibers and basic cotton and leather. Simple things.

The key to your server’s heart: Tip well.

Always tip 20 percent, and don’t give the waitstaff any reason to remember you. I always strive for a completely frictionless experience with anybody who’s working in a restaurant or bar, maybe to my own detriment at some points.

Hottest “Train Daddy” take: Let people eat in peace.

Don’t intrude on other people’s consciousness as much as possible. Personal grooming is a no-no. Audible music — don’t do that. And eating, I don’t know. I’m a little bit forgiving about that because I suspect people who are eating on the subway need to be. They’re hungry; they haven’t had a chance to eat before. They’re on their way to something, and they’re trying to get it in. When the doors open and you’re standing there and other people can’t get in? Unforgivable, terrible. Just move.