I am torn between ex-lover and flaky new man I met for sex on dating app
DEAR DEIDRE: I WAS delighted when I matched with a new man on a dating app after my ex ditched me, and thought he was what I needed to get over my heart break.
For a few months he wooed me over video calls and made me feel really special, but just lately he’s pretty much ignored me and so I have started hooking up for sex with my ex again. It’s such a mess.
My ex-partner and I split up six months ago.
He said he felt we’d grown apart, so I slowly moved out of our home this year.
He always said he would be open for a ‘friends with benefits’ relationship but made it clear he didn’t want anything more.
But I want the full package so I signed up to dating sites.
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I met my new man within weeks. He’s 40, the same age as me and my ex, and has two children who are ten and 13.
We both bonded over our struggles with mental health, but it became apparent that our relationship was far from perfect.
He became distant, telling me he doesn’t use his phone a lot, especially when he is caring for his kids.
Surely, if you were interested in someone, you’d send them a quick text, even if you were busy?
We’ve only met three times and now I feel he’s avoiding a fourth date.
To make matters more complicated, my ex admitted to me that he was taking another woman on a date.
Now it feels as though my world has ended a second time.
I’m worried there is something wrong with me as both of these men are uninterested?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s great you’re trying to move on from your ex, but this new man doesn’t sound ready for commitment.
You seem to want to dash head first into a new relationship to distract yourself from the heartbreak of your last one.
But if you’re not ready to move on, your ex will still be able to pull you back in.
Take your time to recover from the loss of your previous relationship and work on your own happiness.
When you are feeling more confident and settled, you will be far more likely to attract someone who is right for you.
Take a break from the dating apps and spend time with friends and loved ones.
My support pack Finding The Love Of Your Life will help.