Selling Sunset Recap: Chelsea Bites Back

I keep thinking about Mary’s exploded breast. The photo of it she shares with Amanza and Chrishell in her backyard after surgery, Chrishell’s casual mention of a recent CAT scan that revealed the need for her own implants to be replaced soon, my realization that insurance covers none of this, all served to remind me that the glossy performances the women of Selling Sunset deliver obscure the otherwise pretty grim reality of their daily lives. Scenes like these, where Mary can’t even lift her arm to hug Chrishell hello but is still in full glam, serve as a reminder that even when things go terribly wrong, these are people who will contort themselves painfully to maintain the ideal they want to project. But through all the posturing, the sense I’m getting with episodes six and seven — “Don’t Rain on My Parade” and “Sides Are Chosen” — is that Chelsea actually did not know about her husband’s cheating, and Bre’s on-camera reveal of it has thrown everything into this show’s version of chaos.

The whispered check-ins through painted smiles and that whole scene at Mary’s that’s just Chrishell letting them know how much they can’t talk about imbue these episodes with a sense that we’re off track in a way no one quite knows how to handle, like finding yourself on a cobblestone street in high heels. Chelsea even claims she still hasn’t talked to her husband about this yet, something that only makes sense when you remember she’s in the middle of filming a TV show, and only a few days seem to have passed since Bre told her about it on camera. She seems to be truly flailing, trying to absorb her new reality while showing up for scenes she’s contractually obligated to be in and still trying as hard as possible to present her best version of herself.

Pivoting her focus towards Bre, then, makes sense in that it is indeed Bre who has put her in the position of having to actively work this out on camera. While it’s great that enough feminism has reached this world for them to realize that Jeff is the true villain, there is no rule that says empowered women can’t feel betrayed by one another. Feminism is not all women being best friends no matter what. When Chelsea says she just wants to know who her enemies are, it’s a fair request! But during the confrontation call, Bre immediately gets defensive and brings up how hurt she was by Chelsea in the past, suggesting those wounds are a little fresher than her hand-holding with Chelsea at Amanza’s broker’s open lead us to believe. She also admits, “This doesn’t look good for me,” establishing that she appreciates it would make her look like an asshole to have knowingly put Chelsea in this position. And yet, she keeps bringing up what Chelsea did in a way that concerns me. After all, Chelsea’s crime is being judgemental about a relationship Bre has with a celebrity that’s regularly covered in the news, something she apologized for and has worked to come back from since. But Bre broke an original news story about Chelsea’s private-citizen husband cheating. While I understand what Chelsea did made Bre feel bad, it didn’t blow up her whole life. It didn’t break her family apart. It’s that she doesn’t seem to appreciate that difference, and she seems to think any wrongdoing to her should matter as much as any alleged wrongdoing to another. That’s a little scary.

Bre bringing Johnny Manziel on the show feels calculated in this context. And look, I don’t know who “Johnny Football” is, but if that name tells me anything, it’s that this is a person aligned with the goals of American fascism. I don’t want to know how much stupid money he paid for all his terrible clothes or all the heroic things he did with balls that have allowed him to make that money despite having that personality. But this is the most we’ve seen of Bre’s past, and it seems designed to both remind us that Bre has been in Chelsea’s shoes (not really, though, because Bre did not have kids with this guy, thank God) and also make the case for Bre being “bougie” even when she was working at a place called Wet Republic. It’s an attempt to reconcile the Bre we see on the show with the past she so angrily hides. It also beats us over the head with a single message: everything Bre does is intentional, and everything she has is something she wants.

It’s Emma who champions the inquisition against Bre in what has proven to be a startling pivot from her persona last season. She’s barely said anything dumb and she hasn’t endangered herself even once. Sure, she attempts to bind Chrishell to her forever with blood by offering her brother’s semen so that she and G Flip can conceive a child, but she has otherwise been strangely normal. Then again, Emma does have a human bite mark on her arm. While the attempt is made to laugh this off as the result of some sort of roughhousing with Chelsea, even Chrishell suggests to camera that there’s a more adult explanation. We can assume she doesn’t understand what she’s rubber-stamping here, being ignorant of Nicole’s Pioneertown reveal, but it’s clear that Emma’s attempts to keep her apparently active love life off-camera are becoming as unrealistic as Chelsea’s hope that she’d be able to keep the breakdown of her marriage private.

Unlisted Observations

• I really enjoy watching scenes between Alanna and Nicole. It’s like watching the evil Queen having to make conversation with Snow White because her poison apple didn’t work. Like Alanna suggesting Nicole simply talk to Emma about the affair rumor directly, and Nicole trying to explain that she possesses no tact for such things, is very enjoyable.

• If Alanna doesn’t find some trees soon she might as well just go right back to Pioneertown!

• Being a project manager sounds awesome because you can just quit when you don’t want to do the job anymore and still make a living, I guess?

• First, I can see the Invisible House, so it’s already a flop to me. Secondly, how are people not boiling alive inside that thing?

• Here’s a real wild theory: You may recall that when Emma first joined this show, she was accused of being the other woman in one of Christine Quinn’s previous relationships with an off-screen co-worker. This accusation went away pretty much only after Christine exited the show. But just a few months ago, Christine was seen with Mary, Jason, and Nicole (and Davina, RIP), suggesting her relationship with them continues. That allegations of Emma being a homewrecker would reappear simultaneously with Christine is a coincidence that’s not lost on me.

• At the time of this writing, the cast has already started reacting to the show online. Specifically, Chrishell, Chelsea, and Emma have all come out swinging at Nicole, the production company, and the show’s executive producer for including the Emma homewrecker allegation. They’re making bold claims; Chrishell is saying she’ll never be on a show with Nicole again, even if she gets sued. But, like, even if they got rid of Nicole, someone would have to stir these pots; at least when Nicole does it, it’s weird and funny. Recently Chrishell was on Extra claiming the issue is Emma isn’t given a chance to defend herself and that audiences don’t want to see these women scheme against each other. Sure, Jan.

• Things We Learned About Alanna: She has been married for two years and pronounces “Bel Air” in a shocking but inventive way.

• “Sometimes you can’t see the stars until you’re in the dark.” — Chrishell, who is now doubling as a staff writer on Amazon’s The Rings of Power.

• Z Listers Who Pretended to Almost Buy a House:

Deshaun and Jill Watson: He plays football for a team in Cleveland, so of course, he needs a multi-million dollar home in Los Angeles.

Jamin Davis: He plays football in Washington DC, and also needs a multi-million dollar home in Los Angeles. NFL players must really love Erewhon!