Switchblade-Wielding Subway Rider Locked In Standoff With Penis-Wielding Subway Rider

CHICAGO—Sending commuters into a panic, a switchblade-wielding subway rider was reportedly locked in a tense standoff Thursday with a penis-wielding rider. “As soon as the two of these guys made eye contact, everybody knew there was no way they were getting out of there without a fight,” said witness Gary Sanborn, 38, adding that passengers had backed away or tried to change cars as the pair began circling each other, tossing their weapons from hand to hand in a display of aggression. “They were pretty evenly matched, and neither of them quite wanted to make the first move. They stood there, each one saying they were going to fuck the other one up and making little stabbing motions, until eventually one of them made contact with the other’s skin and it turned into a full scuffle.” Sanborn added that fortunately authorities had subdued the pair before the penis went off.

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