Who should I spend my golden years with my husband or my younger lover?
DEAR DEIDRE: AFTER seven years of living a double life, I can’t decide who to spend my golden years with – my husband or my younger lover.
I’m 62, and my husband is 65. We’ve been married for 35 years and have three grown up daughters together.
My husband and I built a good life, but I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t grown bored over the years.
And I’ll admit it was all about the sex when I first got together with my younger colleague but over time we’ve grown closer, he understands me and our feelings run deep.
My lover, who’s 56, gives me so much attention and keeps me feeling young.
My husband and I used to have so much fun – whether that was going on spontaneous dates or taking adventurous holidays, we were always laughing.
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Now every day blends into the next, and I can’t even remember the last time we were intimate.
So when an attractive younger man started giving me attention at work, I found myself crumbling.
He was smart, handsome, and so unapologetically interested in me.
I grappled with it for months before I finally caved and gave him my number.
After that, we couldn’t stay away from each other, and we’ve been sneaking around ever since.
Now I can’t imagine my life without him, but as my retirement is fast approaching, I know our relationship will become impossible to hide.
I love my husband dearly, and the last thing I want is to hurt him, but life with my lover feels like a dream.
Is it time I finally make the break?
MORE FROM DEAR DEIDRE
DEIDRE SAYS: It’s understandable that you’re torn, but try to remind yourself of the commitment you made to your husband all those years ago.
While your lover has been a great distraction, without focusing on the issues in your marriage and trying to work through them, you haven’t given your husband an equal chance.
Of course, right now sex with your lover is fun and exciting, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it would work as a lasting relationship.
Before making any rash decisions, think long and hard if your marriage is worth fighting for.
I hear from many readers who leave to then discover they’ve made the wrong decision.
My support pack, Torn Between Two Men will help.
If you decide to stay, couples counselling will be essential. You can find support through Tavistock Relationships, (tavistockrelationships.org, 020 7380 1975).